End of Sorrow
by grstormy
Summary: clary, Jace, Magnus, Alec, Izzy, and Simon all meet each other for the first time in the last place someone would expect and they all reveal there past to each other. the all become fast friends and try to help each other escape there lives of terror. contains rape, abuse, gang violence, alcohol, cursing, murder, and a lot more
1. chapter 1

**so this is a story that i had been thinking in my head and then started writing and i just started letting it flow from there. i hope that you guys like it becuase i think i didnt do a bad job. i will warn you that it is a very dark story and if you are faint haerted i would not even give it a chance. contains rape, abuse, sex, alcohol, mentions of self harm, possible self harm, prostitution, gang violence, smoking, and someother things that i cant think of right now. so i would not suggest reading any of this if you dont like this kind of thing. and its only going to get darker. so here you go.**

 **they all met because of their dark past. will they all escape their lives or will they let one another die. will this be the end of there sorro** **w? or the beginning of a brand new hell?**

 **clarissa***

I couldn't bear to sit in this house any longer not with him in my bed. I am 16. I shouldn't have done the things he made me do. my mother left when I was 6 and my father stopped caring about me and my brothers. He beat the boys and me then when Sebastian left I had no protection from my other brother, and he started having his fun with me when I was 13. I shoved my thoughts away and pulled on some jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and my converse, and picked up my backpack. I left the house and started walking to my spot. when I reached the little piece of untouched land I sat on a rock by the big oak tree. I pulled out my sketchbook and began to draw every emotion that coursed through me. I had almost finished my black and white drawing when the rain started. I looked to the direction of my house and then to the direction of an abandoned building and decided to take my chances with the building. I packed up my bag and darted for the side entrance.

 **isabelle***

I collected the money from the dresser and realized the prick didn't leave the right amount. no motel for me for tonight. I would stay here but the owner said once I was done working I had to leave so I stuffed the money in my fur coats pocket and left. my parents died when I was 13 and me and my siblings were separated. my foster family sucked so much I just ran away. I walked and thought about how I ended up like this. I lived in a subway stairwell until people stopped dropping money in front of me and I got too hungry to keep living that way so I walked until I met a woman named Jocelyn who told me how to make money. I was too hungry to resist so I walked up to a gruff businessman and asked if he wanted to play and it stuck so I kept working the streets and slept in motels when I had enough money and old buildings when I didn't. I finally found a less ratty one a walked to the back door as it began to rain and burst into my home for the night.

 **alexander***

I ran down the street from the gang bangers behind me and turned down into an alley. my parents died when I was 14 and I was separated from my siblings after that I was put in a couple of foster homes but they all eventually kicked me to the curb for either being gay or too awkward. at my new school there was tones of gang violence and homophobes so I didn't exactly fit in that well being gay and shy and that is how I ended up running from gangsters at night and running through multiple allies until it started raining and they all began slipping on the wet pavement and I finally lost them by shoving my way into the side entrance of an abandoned building.

 **magnus***

I picked myself up and then shoved my way past my stoned mother and out onto the street heading to the place I planned to buy and turn into a club when I turned eighteen and could leave his hellhole of a home. when I was born my mother went into a depression and was hardly ever coherent, then when I came out at age 15 my dad started to 'beat the gay out of me' as he called it so often even though I told him that I was bisexual, not gay. even when I introduced my girlfriend to my parents my dad wasn't pleased because that night he asked me how being straight felt and I explained to him that I was still not straight. I shoved my way into the front door of my building after the rain started to fall and was very pleased with what I saw when I walked in.

 **jonathan h***

I shot up out of bed with a start. I looked at my clock and realized I had slept most of the day. I couldn't believe my foster father let me sleep this late. _another business trip_ I presumed. I definitely wasn't complaining. I pulled on some clothes and decided to take a walk I stepped out the door and started to think about my life so far. my mother and father were murdered when I was 7 and I was put in my first abusive foster home when I was 9 they eventually pulled me out of there and put me with someone far worse but when I was 11 they found my cousin and I stayed with him until I was 14 and my cousin Will died. they put me in yet another abusive foster home and another and then this one which wasn't much better I only had to deal with it for one more year then I could live on my own. I was pried from my thoughts by the rain starting to pour I decided to just shove myself into an old building and chill there until I knew if my foster dad did come home he would be asleep.

 **simon***

I slammed my door shut as my parents argued and then covered my head with a pillow to drown out the sound of yelling and my sister being fucked by my worst bully next door to my room until someone pounded on my door. I opened it to find yet another bully from school "hey man is your sister free" the boy asked "go ask her yourself you dick" the big man-child grabbed me by the collar and got real close to my ear and whispered "watch your mouth you freak or ill tell everyone what your sister does to get money" I pushed the beast with ramen for brains and slammed my door shut. I crawled out of my window and took a walk I kept walking until it started raining and then I shoved my way into an old closed down club.

 **clarissa***

we looked at each other in silence until a hot blonde spoke up "well who knew so many teenagers liked abandoned buildings" he said "who else came to get away from there crappy home life" replied a sparkly boy with blue tipped hair. me, sparkles, Goldilocks, and a fellow nerd raised their hands. "actually I came because my client ripped me off so I needed somewhere to sleep" we all nodded and a tall dark head blue eyed boy glanced at her with slight recognition and confusion. "was anyone else planning on sticking around for awhile"I asked and we all raised our hands. "well I guess we should introduce ourselves in Magnus Bane. who are the rest of you?" the sparkly guy-Magnus-asked. we all stood silent for a moment until "im jonathan christopher harondale" spoke goldilocks "simon lewis" said nerd "im clarissa morganstern" I say boldly "wait like oskar morganstern...like the murderur" said nerd "yea grandpa had a temper" I said "well im isabelle" said the pretty dark headed girl. "wait, isabelle lightwood?" asked a boy that also had black hair ' _wait a minute'_ "alexander?" said the dark head girl "oh my god" he said pulling her into a hug "iz what happened why are you living like this.the social worker said you were in a good home" said alexander "she must have lied I ran away 3 years ago" said isabelle "wait so you two know each other" said goldilocks "its pretty obviouse that they are brother and sister dont you think goldielocks" I said "I like you, you're funny" said magnus. "well why dont we go around and get to know each other. start with why you're in an abandoned building second can be a hobby third can be a talent and last can be a random fact. ill start. my name is Isabelle lightwood I am here for a place to sleep, my hobby is sex, my talent is makeup, and a random fact is that I am willing to turn any of you into a life-size Barbie. how about Alexander goes next" she said "ok I'm here because a bunch of guys was chasing me so in hiding. my hobbies are nothing and I guess my talent is the aim. a fun fact is that I am done talking. magnus can go next" Alexander rushed "ok I'm here because I plan to buy this place my hobbies is party planning my talent is any kind of design and a fun fact is I love glitter" Magnus said "oh nerd can go next" he added "alright I'm here because my sisters clients arent friendly and I didn't feel like listening to my parent argue. my hobbies are video games. my talent is hacking. fun fact is that I like manga" replied Simon "ok pick someone to go next" Isabelle demanded "ok how about you dyed blonde golden boy" he said "I'm here because I guess I'm hiding from my foster father. my hobbies are piano. my talent speaks for itself" he said cockily motioning to himself "and a fun fact is that this here is all natural" he said motioning to his hair. if I was being honest with myself his looks were a talent and the fact that it is natural makes him look even better but from what I've seen so far he's too cocky plus even if he wasn't no one wants damaged goods. him talking pulls me from my thoughts "how bout you copper head tell us about yourself" he says flirtatiously "cut it with the red head shit ive heard them all but anyway my hobbie and talent is art and fun fact is that all of our names are too long I think we all plan to stick around a while so we need something to call each other" I say "alright you guys can call me Izzy and call him alec" said isabelle or 'Izzy' "how about you Jonathon" I ask "hell if I know, pick one for me" he said lazily "how about jace" I said "where the hell did that come from" asked nerd "Jonathan Christopher, j.c, jace" i said "I like it ginger" said Goldie locks "heard it" I said to his stupid red head joke "ok how about you simon" asked Izzy "si is fine" he said "nah I like nerd better" said magnus "same" said jace "how about you sparkle" he asked "sparkles is fine with me or mags" said mags "how about you cherry" asked jace "heard it and call me anything except clarissa" I said "how about buiscut" asked mags "nah" said jace, nerd, and izzy "how about rissa" said simon "eww god no" said jace and Izzy " how about clary" said jace "I love it" said izzy "nice" said alec "I dont care what the rest of you call her im calling her buiscut" said magnus "ok so what do we do now" I asked. Izzy fidgeted and she perked at the sound of glass bottles in the box she was currently sitting on "well we either get drunk and tell our life stories or get drunk and play truth or dare but with my rules" said Izzy "in the 20 minutes I've known you I think telling my life story is a better idea" I said "oh come on it will be fun" said Izzy "ok but I refuse all dare to have to do with shrooms" said Jace. we all looked at him questioningly. "someone might have ended up running through times square naked with deer antlers tied to their head screaming after doing shrooms and that someone might have been me" he said and we all broke into a laughter that I haven't had in a very long time. "alright lets play" said Izzy she passes around bottles of liquor. magnus and Alec share one. nerd and Izzy share one. and I and Jace share one. mainly based on everybody's preference. me and Jace both like vodka and jager so we get one of each. magnus and alec like Malibu and so does Izzy and Simon apparently doesn't know so he just decided to try whatever. "ok ill start. clary, truth or dare?" she asks. "dare," I say not wanting to answer questions "ok I dare you to chug half of that jager," Izzy says. she obviously has never seen me drink. I chug it with ease and enjoy the sensation of the alcohol. "you'll have to do better than that to get me drunk" I say "alright your turn" Izzy says happily "ok blondie, truth or dare?" I ask "dare," he says "ok I dare you to go on the roof and yell 'Im a unicorn' until someone notices," I say "I hate this game," he says "can I not do that" he adds "yea if you take off a piece of clothing. jewelry doesn't count and shoes and socks go in pairs" says Izzy. jace kicked off his shoes. "ok alec, truth or dare" he says "dare" says alec "alright I dare you to make out with the hottest person in the room. but I don't count" says goldy locks with a smirk "Alec shrugged and took Magnus by the chin and started making out with him I and Izzy cheered while Jace looked shocked and Simon just sat there like the nerd he was. alec pulled away leaving Magnus stunned. "ok nerd truth or dare?" said Alec. I noticed half of alec and mags' bottle was gone and I hadn't seen Magnus take but one shot. "truth" he said "dammit you make us nerds look bad" I say "ok who is the hottest person in this room by your standards. simon immediately pointed to Izzy. surprisingly the girl blushed. "ok clary truth or dare" he asks "dare" I say "ok um...shit I don't know" he says "striptease" Izzy shouted obviously drunk "truth" I said "ok why are you here since you didn't answer earlier" said Simon. I took my shoes off "oh girl you denied a truth and dare so two clothing articles" I pulled my socks off "ok Izzy truth or dare"I said "truth" she sang "ok how did you get into your work?" I ask "I met a woman named Jocelyn and she told me how to live on the street," she said, "Jocelyn who?" I ask "Fairchild. why?" she says. _shit._ "just curious," I say. I chug some of the vodkas since Jace drank all the jager. the game goes on and we all get drunk. magnus is down to boxers and a shirt and alec are in his boxers Izzy is in her bra and jeans. jace and I have on everything except our shoes and socks and Simon passed out. "ok clary truth or dare?" said Jace "truth" I say "ok why are you here and why won't you tell us?" he asks. I sigh in defeat and pull my shirt off revealing the hand shaped bruises all over my arms, some of the bites from Jonathan on my boobs and one on my hip, the huge bruise on my stomach, the hickeys, the self-harm scars, and the whip marks on my back, the awful word carved into my shoulder, and the huge scar from a motorcycle accident last year that starts at the bottom of the left side of my rib cage to my right hip. Izzy and Alec look shocked and Magnus and Jace have looks of understanding. jace pulls off his shirt, revealing his own whip marks and bruises. magnus pulls off his own shirt revealing his bruises and cuts. "come here" I say to them. they both scoot over and we hug drunkenly. alec gets up and grabs a bottle of everclear and a first aid kit and goes through it. "you all need stitches so come here" he says "alec it's not going to help if your drunk" says Jace "I'm tipsy, not drunk" he says. magnus walks over to help him put the thread in the needle " I will help because he is right and I'm not drunk nor tipsy" says Magnus "fine" says Jace groaning. it's a good thing I drank a lot. jace walks over to them "but try not to mess up my beauty" he says "ill try" said Alec as he got to work on Jace. "clary come here" said Izzy. I walked over to her "if you want to get away from home meet me here and we can hang or talk or whatever ok?" she slurred "ok" I said "call the I heart NY motel to get a hold of me ok" she said "ok" I said. when Jace was finished Magnus said I needed it more than him. alec poured the everclear on my back and started on the whip marks that had split from movement then went to the cuts on my shoulders. he dumped everclear on my chest and started on the bite that actually looked straight out of a zombie movie. "is there anything on your legs" he asked when he was done with my top "no" I said smoothly "don't lie. judging by the bites on your boobs I think we both know there is more than this" he said. I sighed irritably as I put my shirt back on and took my pants off. there were more bites and bruises. alec had me sit on the bar and stitched the bad bite mark on my inner thigh and the gash on my hip. after I was done he stitched mags back together and by then two bottles of everclear had been dumped on us all and we were all in more pain than before. we continued drinking and getting to know each other after Simon woke up and we eventually all passed out at around 1 am. I'm pretty sure most of us were thinking our parents were going to kill us when we got home when we fell asleep. the next morning Magnus, Jace, and I all woke up at around 3 and Simon woke at around five and Izzy and Alec woke up at around six. we all agreed to meet again the following week at around the same time we did yesterday and we all exchanged phone numbers except Izzy who simply said to call the I heart NY motel and ask for her. then we all parted ways and I knew when I got home I would get the beating of my life. but nothing could bring me down because the only thing I thought about on the way home was goldilocks but it was all ripped from my thoughts when I walked in the door it started. by the crash of a bottle and the yelling.

 **jace***

I knew when I got some if Michael was there he was going to kick my ass. but I still left with a smile on my face thinking about the funny redhead.

 **magnus***

I left and decided to head to my friend Catarina's house instead of getting the shit beaten out of me because my dad presumes I'm going and fucking every guy I see. when I reach her door I start thinking about the make-out session Alexander and I had and can't help but smile.

 **alec***

I carefully walk out of the building covering my face and start walking to my foster parent's house. one more year and I can fuck all the men I please without getting the shit beaten out of me by homophobes. I think about the makeout session between me and mags last night and I can't help but grin until the guys that were chasing me yesterday saw me and I took off down the street to my foster house.

 **simon***

I walk into my house and am greeted by the usual sound of sex and arguing. I go to my room and blare my music and think about the dark-haired girl I met last night. sure she was a prostitute but she was nice and not to mention hot. the memory of her drunk smile was enough to make him need a cold shower. so that's what he did.

I **zzy***

I decide to sleep in the old building until I need to go work and as I try to rest the memory of the cute nerd popped into my head and kept me from sleeping. so I just start heading to the bar and grill down the road. how is it that nerd gets me more hot and bothered than the sexy rich businessmen I work with. I guess I'll never know.


	2. tattoo parlor and the mystery spot

**clary***

After Valentine was done teaching me to be obedient I went up to my room and started drawing and thinking about the people I had befriended. I started to draw the outline of the old bar and then my fellow fucked up people. when I was done I held a picture of us all laughing. Izzy had a bottle in hand and no shirt and alec was in his boxers and Simon had no shirt and a bird chest. we all looked like idiots but happy at the same time. I smile down at the drawing until I hear my brother banging on my door and screaming for me to get my ass up. I look at the clock seeing that its already lunch. _shit._ I leap from my bed and run past my brother and to the kitchen pulling out the prepped hamburgers from the fridge and assembling them and shoving them in the microwave. I grab two beers from the fridge and bring them to Jonathan and valentine. then I bring out their hamburgers and the ketchup. "why is lunch late?" asked Valentine "I'm sorry I lost track of time" I say timidly he throws the beer bottle at me and it barely misses me "next time it is late you and me are taking a trip upstairs you bitch. now get me another beer" he yells. I grab his beer and bring it to him then leave without a word. I grab my stuff for work and head out to my bike "where are you going baby" says Jonathan sweetly "work" I state then I straddle my Harley that I bought myself last year and drive to work at the bar and grill down the street from the old building. I drive by the building seeing Izzy I pull over "hey where you headed?" I ask "the bar and grill down the road" she says "im going there anyway if you want a ride" I tell her "she hops on and we go to the bar. "so you work here" she says as I get behind the bar. "yea and as far as anyone else is concerned I'm 18. "wait so you lied to get the job?" she asked as I fixed her a glass of water "no I know him and he knows what goes down at my house so he gave it to me so I had an excuse to leave" I say truthfully "oh thats nice" she said "yea he's great" I say smiling "oh well how great is he" Izzy's says suggestively "oh no he is more like my brother nothing like that" I say as I fix the patron down the bars usual. I take it to him and start on the next regular's drink. I love my regulars they are so nice and always give me a hand with newbies if they're showing their asses which is sometimes literal but not a lot. Bat was my next regular so I fixed his jager bomb while I watched him drool over another regular named Maia. I have seen her drool over bat some herself so as I bring him his drink I decide to give him a gift "look bat shes another regular, she's nice, pretty, and I know for a fact she thinks the same of you, so go talk to her" I say to him. "thanks, Clarissa" he says "call me clary" I say. he asks for her usual and I fix it quickly. I hand him the drink and send him over to her without another word. I see that everyone is satisfied for now so I decided to talk to Izzy. we talk about my work and sometimes crazy stories from hers and eventually, I let her behind the bar so I can work and talk. " I don't want to go to work," she says "well what time do you usually start?" I ask. "now," she says. "I have to go so I don't end up sleeping in a building that drops sheetrock on my head," she says. "well I can ask my manager if you can stay in one of our private rooms tonight if you want,"I say. "really that would be awesome if you don't mind" she says "my shift ends in a few ill ask then" I say "oh my god thank you so much" she shrieks and hugs me nun to gently. she loosens her grip and apologizes quickly. "its fine I promise" I tell her "let's go get you that room" I add. "ok" she says. we walk into Mr.Santiago's office and sit in the nice leather chairs. "hello Clarissa is there a problem?" he asks kindly "no, I came to ask you something" I say with a sweet smile "well what is it Ms.Morgenstern?" he asks "is it ok if my friend stays in one of the private rooms tonight. she has nowhere to stay and as you know I cant take her to my house" I say "yes but I need a worker to stay with her so I can be sure no one tries to steal. not that I don't trust you just a precaution" he says "Raf I told you I will be fine at home" I say dropping my professional act. rafael worked with my father on a project long ago and knows what he does to me and the boys. he doesn't know about Jonathan though. "well you don't have to convince me tonight because your friend cant stay unless you do" he says "fine" I say "I need to go get clothes first. I have school tomorrow. he will be asleep I promise" I tell him. "fine. if your not back in an hour I will come over there" he says "ok" I say "take her with you so she can make sure you don't die if he isn't asleep. I'll get a room ready for you guys" he rushes "she cant come with me" I say "she can and she will if she wants a free bed tonight" he says angrily. I tense at the anger but don't let him see it. "fine. let's go" I say and storm out with Izzy in my wake. when we reach my house I stop at the garage door. "stay here. if I'm not out in 10 then take my bike and tell Raf that he can have my next paycheck for your stay and that I won't be in for work tomorrow ok?" I ask. she nods and stays on my bike. I dart in the door quietly and tiptoe up to my room. I shove a set of PJs and a change of clothes in my duffle along with a charger my phone and sketchbook. I grab my duffel and bookbag then walk towards the garage door. suddenly I'm slammed into the wall by who I assume is my brother. when I open my eyes I feel the satisfaction of being right. "where you going sweetheart" he says trying to be seductive. _gross._ "work," I say "you already used that one you slut. you're probably going find some guy to suck on am I right?" he asks "no. I promise" I say trying to get him to calm down. I feel the dull ache and the sudden sting from him punching me in the face like someone would punch a grown man. "liar" he yells. I hear the roar of my motorcycle and it speeding away and I know that Raf is going to freak. "Raf asked me to pull a late shift and one from 5 to 6. I swear." I tell him "fine but you better be here tomorrow," he said suggestively. "ok I will" I stutter. I run out to the garage and rip my the tarp off Sebastian's bike that he left when he went to college. I straddle it then speed to the bar. I get there and find Izzy talking to Raf "thank god" he says upon seeing me "what happened?" he asked putting both hands on my shoulders "nothing I was just packing to slow" I say cooly. "liar" he says. I flinch involuntarily "your face says it all so what happened?" he asks "Jonathan" I whisper "what?!" he shouts. I flinch again "when did he start in on it?!" he yelled less loudly "when Seb left" I whisper with tears in my eyes "Clarissa he didn't do anything else did he?" he asked softly. I nod and the tears spill over. "you are not going back there" he tells me as he pulls me into a hug "even if I didn't they would find me wherever I went. valentine wouldn't care but Jonathan would raise hell and I have nowhere to stay" I sob "you can stay here and I won't let him find you," he says, "I cant ask you to do that Raf" I sob "your not asking I'm giving so you can stay here I'll clean out one of the old hotel suits upstairs and until I have it looking like your heaven you can stay in one of the private rooms. I'll even let your friend stay if she wants to stop working the streets" he says "for real?" me and Izzy both ask hopefully "yea but you'll have to work at the bar or as a waitress and no parties upstairs if I fix you a suit and I need your word that you won't sell yourself anymore" he says. Raf has never agreed with abuse against women or children and he won't hesitate to get a girl off the street who doesn't want to be there. "I promise. I swear on my life" Izzy says "oh my god Raf your awesome" I say hugging him "yea I know now go get settled because you need sleep. you too" he says to me and Izzy "and think about calling the decent brother, you know the one I don't want to butcher and serve to the regulars in a martini glass," he says "I'll think about it," I say "goodnight," I say to him then show Izzy to our room for the night. we shut the door to the small black and red room and start getting ready for bed I start to change and Izzy asks where the big scar from my accident came from "bike accident last year. when I turn 18 I plan to get it and the rest of them covered up by tattoos" I admit "well if you would like to I know a guy who will start on everything that's healed if you want them covered now" Izzy says "for real?" I ask "yea. want me to ask him but he only works Mondays and Thursdays so you'd have to skip school" she says "I'm fine with that," I say "ok we can go see him tomorrow and he can work on the healed areas and we can go back every week to start in other places" she says "alright" i say. we lay down on separate sides of the king size bed. "clary?" Izzy asks breaking the silence. "do they still hurt?" she asks "the scars I mean not the new ones that would be stupid" she adds "sometimes" I say honestly. sometimes I can feel it again like it is happening again. "which times?" she asks "when I think about it too much. I think it's my brain telling me to leave the past in the past" I say "I get it" she says "did anyone ever hurt you?" I ask "someone tried once but they never got the chance," she said, "how did you stop them?" I asked "I left," she said "good," I say lamely. "when Raphael asked if he did anything else, did he mean to ask if he raped you?" she asked. I pause, I don't know what to say but she knew what that meant. "how long?" she asked "three years" I say "then that's how many bullets we will put in his head if he tries again" she says "Izzy?" I ask "yea?" she questions "are we friends?" I ask. we both roll to face each other "until were underground" she says and sticks out her pinky. I take it with mine and kiss my thumb. she kisses her own and we push them together. we fall asleep talking about everything and for the first time in a while I feel safer. but not completely. I still dart awake from nightmares at 3:00 and get ready for the day. I pull on a black shirt and skinny jeans with my black converse. I cover up the bruise on my face with makeup and add a little mascara. the bar has just closed so I go downstairs and fix a coffee. I sip it listening to music on my phone until Rafael comes in from his office probably about to go to his apartment upstairs. "I told you to sleep not rest for two hours then drink coffee before school." he says "I slept and I'm not going to school today," I say "alright then. why not?" he asks "I'm going somewhere with Izzy," I tell him "where" he presses "to get tattoos," I say "really?!" he shouts "how are you even going to do that?" he presses "she knows a guy and, please don't freak. this is important to me if I'm going to leave I'm going to leave it all and that means covering up everything they did to me" I say sadly. "fine but I'm getting one to" he said "yea so am I" Izzy said announcing her presence "so let's get breakfast and then we can go get them together. does anyone know what they are getting yet?" she asks. I know what I'm getting as my start. I'm getting a rune. I drew a few a while back so I can show this guy what I want. rafael shakes his head while I hear my phone ping. I look at and see that Goldilocks texted me

 _'wyd today' -j_

 _'why' -c_

 _'i was wondering if you wanted to go out and do something with me' -j_

my eyes widen some and I'm shocked. is he asking me on a date?

 _'i cant go today I'm getting tattoos with Izzy' -c_

 _'ooh sounds fun mind if I join' -j_

I'm shocked. "hey Iz can Jace join?" I ask "sure why not," she says "ok"

 _'sure meet us at the bar and grill on institute dr.' -c_

I put my phone in my pocket and begin questioning Izzy about this guy "so who is this guy you know?" I ask "his names Julian," she says "ok is he you know safe like I'm not going to die of HIV from a needle?" I ask stupidly. she giggles "no he works in a shop he just does the underage stuff in the back," she says "ok just making sure," I say. we wait for Jace by talking to each other and at around 4:30 he gets there and we head out for breakfast.

 **magnus***

I peel myself out of bed and head out to my job at a tattoo parlor all the while texting Alexander. he seems rather shy but he's dingy sometimes and it's adorable. not to mention his looks. I set up at the front desk and continue texting Alexander. we've agreed to go out after we are both done with work. since he gets off before me he is coming to pick me up and I must say I am very excited. I'm so enthralled with the idea I don't even notice as my new friends pop in at around 6 in the godforsaken morning.

 **jace***

we all hop on motorcycles. clary tells Izzy to take her's and she'll use her brother's because she likes to ride alone. I watch as she hops on with no helmet "clary" says a man she told me was named Rafael "what?" she asks "helmet" he says "I don't have an extra, I'll be fine" she says "clary do you remember what happened last time" says Rafael "yes do you remember that my breaks were also faulty" she says. I pull my helmet from under my seat and go strap it over her beautiful red hair. "no you need a helmet" she says about to take it off "no I wasn't gonna wear it anyway" I say and straddle my bike again. clary huffs and revs her engine. I start my own followed by Rafael then Izzy. we ride down to a diner called The Hunter's Moon. we all order the wolfs breakfast plate and talk and joke throughout our meal then ride to the tattoo parlor but not before clary once again try to give back claiming I drive like a madman. I refuse by revving my engine after strapping it on her head. when we reach the parlor I notice a very familiar sparkly man at the desk "well hello my fellow fucked up people and another guy" he says

 **clary***

when we walk in Magnus greets us and I can't help but smile. Izzy asks if we can talk to Julian and Magnus disappears to the back. he comes back with a dark-haired man. "hey Iz. its been awhile" he greets "it sure has" she says hugging him. "guys this is Julian. Julian this is Jace Clary and Rafael" she says "we wanted to know if you wouldn't mind taking us to the backroom. clary wants to give you a huge project" she says "well then let's go get started. are you all getting tattooed today?" he asks "yep" she says popping the p "well this is going to be fun" he says with a grin. we go to the back room and Julian calls in some other guys to work on Izzy, Jace, and Rafael and we all talk to our artist about what we want. I see Jace drawing and Izzy and Rafael are just speaking while their artist does the art. Julian and I get started by him asking questions. "ok so when Izzy says huge is she exaggerating?" he asks "oh definitely not" I say with a slight laugh "ok so how huge?" he asks next "like Mount Everest" I say "alright then lets start with the obvious question what area are we starting with" I sigh and pull up my sleeve revealing the old self-harm scars. "oh ok are they all going to be scar cover-ups" he asks with a supportive grin "yea but if we have any room left then I want one thats not meant to cover something up" I say "alright then so do you only want one today or do you want to get started on others?" he asks "I cant start on anywhere else right now" I say sadly "can I ask why or do you do not want to talk about it?" he asks "maybe next time" I say "alright then why dont you tell me what you want today" he says "ok I want a healing rune do you want me to draw it?"I ask "yea," he says with a laugh "ok" he hands me a piece of paper and a pencil and I draw a rune for him he smiles and leads me to a chair while the other artists lead my friends to theirs. julian prints the rune then lays the purple ink out on my arm with the lines matching perfectly up with the scars. he pulled off the paper and then got straight to work. it felt like a million cat scratches but I didn't mind it. rafael is done before any of us then Jace, then me, then Izzy. rafael got a cross on his pec and Izzy got a rose on her shoulder and when I see Jace's I'm kind of shocked. his is a strength rune on his side covering a scar. I pull up my sleeve and I see his face split into a grin. "I thought I was the only normal person that knew about those," he says "Jace Harondale you should know that I am far from normal," I say as I hand Julian the money for my tattoo "well I wasn't gonna say anything but.," he says sucking his teeth as he hands his artist a wad of cash. I smack his shoulder playfully. "since the day is still not over how about I take you out" he says. I smile "well id love to but I have work to do. I told Rafael id help him with setting up a place for me above the bar" I say sadly "well what if I promise to come help this weekend " he says. I start to protest but Rafael buts in "that sounds fine" he says "are you sure?" I ask "definitely," he says. I'm shocked Rafael is usually not keen on people asking me out or flirting with me. "well then where are we going?" I ask "now that is a secret," he says smirking "that's what ax murderers say," I tell him as he pulls me outside to his bike " I don't have an ax" he points out as he straps his helmet on my head to my annoyance. "maybe you will throw me off your bike since you drive like a maniac" I say "or maybe ill drive like a maniac so you'll hold onto me tighter" he says flirtatiously. I roll my eyes and grin as he revs the engine to life then drives off down the road to a mystery spot. and I let a grin split my face for the whole ride.


	3. pain and canceled plans

**this chapter is the shortest one but that is only bexuase the first version got deleted and i didnt know until i went to publish it yesterday and i completly forgot what i wrote becuase it felt like i wrote it so long ago. so im very sorry but i think i got the basics of what happened down so here you go mundies.**

 **clary***

we finally reach the mystery spot and it turned out to be a small diner called Taki's "the food here is awesome" Jace says. we go inside and sit at a booth. a dyed blonde fake boobed bimbo walks up and takes our orders all the while shoving her boobs in Jace's face. I can't help but want to pick a fight with her. we both get coconut pancakes and laugh and joke, while we eat "so when Simon said that your grandad was a murderer, was that true?" he asks turning the subject to a deeper and darker place. "um yeah. he wasn't always so crazy though" I admit "he was actually pretty awesome before he got sick" I add "sick?" he asks "um yeah he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, Alzheimer, and bipolar disorder" I admit "oh Clary im sorry" he says "don't apologize you didn't do anything" I tell him. I quickly change the subject to something about bikes and we start laughing and joking again. when we finish eating we drive to the bar and we hang out there for a while. he stays until it gets late and he promises to text me tomorrow. "hey clary?" he asks. "yea?" I ask back. his lips crash on mine at that moment and I feel amazing. I kiss him back and he slips his tongue into my mouth. I slip my tongue into his mouth and we just stay there kissing for what feels like forever. eventually, we break away for air and his face is split into a huge smile. "goodnight" he says "night" I say and then he is gone. I hear his bike rev and speed down the street and then I go inside I crash onto me and Izzy's bed. "how it go?" she asks "it was nice" I say with a gran "ooh somebody got a little something" she says "it was just a kiss" I say. she shrieks but its quiet so I don't instantly cover my ears "ugh"I groan "what" she asks "I just realized I have to go to school with Jonathan tomorrow" I tell her. "oh hell no. that isn't happening. you can drop out or something" she says "I have to go to school Iz," I tell her "bull shit you are smart enough," she says. I am conflicted "what if you let me go with you tomorrow and we can talk to your principal about it and if you don't want to then I won't make you but ill at least stay with you tomorrow and we will figure it out later" she says. "fine but you stay in the bathroom during class" I tell her "ok but if he tries something ill kill him" she says "ok" we fall asleep after that and I wake up at around four the next morning due to nightmares. I just watch tv and then make breakfast for everyone. Izzy and Raf come in around 7. Izzy is already dressed for school and Raf is just leaving the office. we all eat and then Izzy and I go to school. jace tests me while im in the parking lot

' _hey wyd tonight'-j_

 _'nm wbu'-c_

 _'well my plan is to take out this hot redhead'-j_

 _'sounds fun. who is the'-c_

 _'you know her name is Clarissa but our friends call her clary she is around four foot maybe'-j_

 _I'm five two, asshole'-c_

 _'so you wanna go out tonight'-j_

 _'yea. I have to go to the principles office now so the ill text you later'-c_

 _'ok ;)'-j_

I go towards the office and I get looks and here whispers as Izzy walks in with me _"i bet she was in jail yesterday" "that girl is probably someone from that gang she is in" "I heard she had to go get an abortion and she has to be watched for a while because she tried to throw herself off a building"_ they say. I really couldn't care less. Izzy and I go straight to the office Izzy waits while I talk to my principle. he says that I still have to attend for two more days but I have officially decided to drop out. I drag myself to class and show Izzy to the bathroom. class drones on and I visit Izzy after my first one and we go outside during my break. I drop Izzy in the bathroom and go to my second period. after that, I am on my way to get Izzy and go grab lunch but suddenly I am grabbed from behind and shoved into the boy's bathroom. my head hits the wall and then I hear the door lock. Jonathan's hands are all over me and he is angry. "you were supposed to come home little Clarissa" he says "bad girls get punished" he says and rips my jeans off my hips he drills into me and I scream in pain and he covers my mouth with his hand and pins my arms above my head with the other. he pounds into me for what feels like hours but could only be up to ten minutes then he pulls out and shoves me onto my knees. he shoves his member into my mouth and pounds into my face. my head bangs into the wall and I keep choking and gagging. when he is done he throws me to the floor and leaves. I lay there crying but force myself to get back up. I walk to the girl's bathroom after putting my pants back on right and wiping my cheeks. I walk toward the bathroom and put on the fakest smile I've ever done before.


	4. confessions

**jace***

I wait for clary to text me back but she doesn't during school hours. it gives me a strange feeling in my gut but I try to ignore it and tell myself everything is fine and she will text me later. she probably just got held up. I walk to my lunch period and eat my lunch while trying not to think of anything but I cant manage to get that weird feeling out of my stomach. I decide to text her after my lunch and hope she answers.

 **clary***

I walk into the bathroom with my best fake smile and I spot Izzy looking in the mirror. she obviously isn't fooled by my fake smile. "what happened?" she asks. I break down and silent tears roll down my face. "he saw me in the hall when I was trying to come get you and..." I hate the word, I refuse to say it. Izzy walks over and gives me a hug that makes me want to cry at the amount of care she is showing me. I flinch at first but I don't push her away. I let the silent tears run down my face and decide that I cant deal with last period or tomorrow. if I have to come to school with _him_ again I won't be able to handle it. he'll do it again and I might throw myself off of a building if that happens again. I have put up with it for too long and won't and can't do it anymore. "let's go home I don't think I can do this anymore ill just have to stop coming to school they cant force me to come" I say wiping my tears. "ok lets go" she says with a sympathetic smile. we walk out to my bike and as I'm about to start it my phone rings. I see that Jace texted me. I open it and see its just a simple

' _hey_ _whats up.'-j_

 _hey sorry I stayed in the office longer than planned'-c_

 _'no prob you still up for Chinese food'-j_

 _'actually how about we stay in, ill cook. I'm too tired to go out'-c_

I'm not in the mood to go out. I don't want to bump into someone and start having a panic attack, which I have no doubt will happen given what _he_ just did to me.

 _'that's cool. everything ok?'-j_

 _'yea I'm just really tired'-c_

 _'ok do you want me to come to the bar?'- j_

 _'yea Rafael got me an oven for my new place so I can cook there'-_ c

 _'ok cant wait ;)'-_ _j_

I laugh at his text and then shove my helmet onto Izzy's head and before she can argue I rev the engine and take off down the street towards the bar. I lay in bed until its time for me to start getting ready. I pull on a cute grey sweater with an open back and jeans and cover the forming bruises on my face with makeup. I slip on socks but I don't bother with shoes and just go downstairs to raid the food supplies for ingredients to make spaghetti. I start cooking upstairs in my soon to be an apartment and clean the place up a bit. there is a couch and a chair that doesn't match, but not much else. I am straining the spaghetti when I hear Rafael yell from downstairs. I leave the colander of spaghetti in the sink and fly downstairs. I stop and walk when I know I'm in Jace's line of sight. "come on im making spaghetti" I say and take his hand guiding him up to my soon to be apartment. "nice place" he says sitting on the missed match furniture. "trust me I am so redoing the living room and bedroom" I say walking into the kitchen and bringing out two paper plates filled with spagetti and two forks and knives. "so what did you have to get in order at the office?" he asks "um... I decided that I'm dropping out of school" I say a little embarrassed "oh" he says. he sees my face and smiles "don't be embarrassed I'd drop out too if my foster dad would let me" he says "any particular reason for wanting to drop out?" he asks "I just already know all the shit they are teaching and I'm not exactly the most popular kid with a murderous grandad and a violent reputation so I just figured I could work more and get my own place that's not above a bar if I dropped out" I say "violent? clary Morgenstern? no" he said sarcastically "hey I am not violent," I say with a laugh "oh really you don't seem like you put up with much bullshit," he says "I don't but I have never started a fight except like twice," I say "out of how many?" he asks with a laugh "hold on" I say while counting with my fingers. I do it as a joke but he actually has me curious about the total "you really have to count like that or are you joking?" he asks with a grin "at first it was a joke but then I actually got curious" I admit with a laugh "well now you've got me curious" he says "20 or 21 I think" I admit feeling kind of embarrassed. I blush involuntarily. he notices "well if it makes you feel better I think I've been in about the same amount," he says "really?" I say not really believing him "ok not really more like 11 or 12 but I started most of them so it adds up to be the same amount of violence," he says with a chuckle. we finish eating and he insists on helping me clean up the kitchen. I start sweating and some of my make up must have come off because Jace notices something "what happened?" he asks drying his hands and turning my face with gentle fingers I flinch a little and hope he doesn't notice "is this why you didn't want to go out?" he asks "those are old" I lie "clary I've had enough to know that they are from today and haven't finished forming yet" he says "what happened I thought you were hiding out here" he says. I sigh feeling defeated "I didn't just drop out because I didn't like school, my brother goes there and is a lot worse than my dad," I say. I fight tears but one slip and I want to kick myself for letting it fall. Jace gently wipes the tear away and takes my hand. he walks us to the bathroom and sits me on the toilet lid. he picks up my makeup wipes and pulls one out. he reaches for my face but I stop him. he crouches to my level and sighs. "ill show you mine if you show me yours" he says. I can't believe this. I would never do this for anyone if they asked me to but I find myself letting his hand go and accidentally letting another tear slip. I wipe it away quickly and let him wipe off my makeup. he wipes it away gently so he wouldn't hurt me. I swear I can see small tears in his eyes but for all I know I could have just imagined it. he sighs and gently brushes my cheek revealing a spray of freckles and the bruise that is no doubt blue and purple. he pulls off his shirt revealing the scars and bruises and cuts I saw the other night and more added to the collection. I see a very deep gash on his shoulder that looks as though it just reopened. "Jace this one is open, let me get something for it," I say standing to get into the cabinet "clary it will be fine," he says catching my wrist. "no it won't it's bleeding a lot stay there," I say sternly "there's no stopping you is it?" he asks "nope" i say popping the 'p'. I grab some gauze pads, medical tape, alcohol, and towels from the cabinet. I make him sit on the toilet and get to cleaning the cut. he looks at me intently while I do so and I can feel his eyes on the bruises. "don't look at it. its embarrassing" I say "if it makes you feel better you look like a badass and it cant be more embarrassing than getting patched up by a four-foot, green-eyed, redhead" he says "hey I am 5'2" I say defensively. when I'm done getting it to stop bleeding so much I press a towel below it and tell him to brace his self. "I am a man I don't need to brace myself," he says cockily. I pour alcohol on the wound at this with a smirk and he sucks in a sharp breath and mumbles a curse. "I told you," I say with a proud but bitter grin. I pat the wound dry and put a gauze pad over it and seal it with medical tape. "done" I say "ok you got any you need to be taken care of?" he asks with a cocky grin. "no" I lie "you are a terrible liar" he says. I sigh feeling ashamed. "let's see," he says. I sigh again and let my head fall in shame. I pull down my jean revealing the cuts from Jonathan's nails on my thighs that have reopened. jace looks very angry and I hate to say that it kind of scared me. he starts working on them still looking very angry "what happened Clare, and don't lie" he says trying to conceal his anger. "when I say my brother is worse than my dad I don't mean when he beats me" I say "what did he do Clare?" he asks sternly. the tears roll back in and leave streaks down my face "he um... he... he..." I said sobbing. I don't want to say it. I hate that stupid word. that word can burn in hell. "he raped you?" he asks. I nod my head and more tears fall. Jace looks even angrier. he tells me to take his hand and squeeze as hard as I can. I take it and squeeze. he pours alcohol on the cuts on my first leg then covers them with a pad "how long has this been going on?" he asks sternly "a couple weeks"I lie. he seems to mad to notice. "ill kill him," he says "Jace..." I sigh " I won't let it happen again, Clare. I swear if he comes anywhere near you ever again I will kill him" he says "I know we haven't known each other long but I still care about you" he states "I care about you to" I say. he finishes getting the blood off my other leg and takes my hand again "squeeze" he says his voice taking on a more gentle tone. I squeeze and he pours the alcohol on my leg. he presses a pad to it and tapes it up there. "all done" he says with a small grin but he is obviously still upset. "hey come on we can watch a movie or something" I say trying to keep his mind away from his anger. "wait no I've got a better idea" I say feeling bold. "why do i feel like I'm in for trouble" he says with a grin that finally reaches his eyes. "probably because you are" I say. I pull him into the living room and sit him on the couch and take off down the stairs. I enter the bar and go behind the counter. its a slow night so I have no problem being down and back upstairs with two vodka and jager bottles each within 45 seconds. "now this is a game called sailor 20 questions" I say "I only play this game with my most loyal patrons and my none existent friends so you better feel lucky" I say. he laughs and takes a jager bottle from my hand. I decide on vodka for now because I'm feeling rather bold. "now the rules are we ask each other questions and for every answer, we have in common we take a drink. for every question, we don't want to answer we take a drink and if you accidentally repeat a question you have to take a drink. but you have to keep playing until both people have answered twenty questions" I tell him. "you are so trying to get me drunk" he says "if you want me to be that way all you have to do is ask" he says with a smirk "yea but this way I can get into your head at the same time" I say with a giggle "well I might just give you a run for your money red" we go through the game getting alot of answers the same and not wanting to answer questions like most embarrassing moment and how many people the other has slept with. mine was only two but he didn't need to know that. I had obviously been forced to sleep with Jonathan but I didn't want to tell him about that one time with Rafael. rafael had been drunk and so had I and we both decided that we were strictly friends. a lot of people thought that Rafael had a crush on me but I knew he didn't. he thought of me as a little sister and his best friend even told me that. not to mention that I was 15 and he was 18 and it was illegal but we never told anyone except Sebastian and his best friend. I didn't really want to know Jace's answer. I had a feeling I would get jealous. it was obvious that I liked him and I am guessing he likes me based on that kiss last night. "favorite color?" I ask. he takes a moment to think "green" he says with a smirk. "how about you, red?" he asks. "gold" I say feeling bold. "no drink for me then" he says with a smirk. "well I don't care about the rules right now so I am going to have one" I say and drink from the bottle. when I come up short of anything I realize I already drank the whole thing. good thing it was only a pint. "shit" I say and grab the other bottle. I take a drink while he chuckles. I give him a questioning look. "you don't even look that drunk" he says. "well I have a feeling that if I stand up I might fall over" I say "plus I've been drinking for a rather long time" I say "well how long have you been drinking little red?" he asks with a smirk "since I was 12" I say remembering that awful night. sebastian was knocked out on the floor and Jonathan was forcing granddads airplane bottles down my throat. I shake the thoughts away and focus on my time with Jace. "well damn red it seems that we got another question alike" he says with a smirk " I guess we did" I say smirking back and taking a drink. he takes a drink and grins at me. "favorite song?" I ask "enter sandman," he says. "oh my god I love that song," I say falling back onto the couch "but mine has the be smells like teen spirit," I say "holy shit I love Nirvana," he says "same," I say. I gasp in realization "hold on" I say and run down to me and Izzy's room. I grab one of a couple of CDs I brought with me and a small stereo. I run back upstairs almost falling from the alcohol but I right myself and keep going. I stop at the door and put the cd in then hit play. I walk-in dancing to smells like teen spirit like an idiot with the stereo on my index finger. jace laughs at this and walks over to me. he spins me around and around until I slip and brace myself for the fall. the wooden floors never come in contact with my back and head because strong muscley arms catch me first. I feel the blood rush from my face and can't help but think I look like an albino because the song says the word right when it happens. jace grins and pulls me back to my feet. he brushes a stray hair out of my face and his fingers linger on my cheek. he smirks and his lips crash on mine. I immediately react and kiss him back. his hands roam down to my ass and he lifts me up and my legs wrap around his waist. my arms wrap around his neck and suddenly were on the couch with him on top. his hands travel up my shirt leaving chill bumps in there path. his lips break from mine and travel to my neck in a sensitive spot by my ear. I can't help but feel amazing but in the back of my mind Jonathan's face is smirking on top of me and then Jace's hair turns to the white hair that petrifies me. and when he comes back up to kiss me his eyes aren't gold, they're black like _his_. I panic and start breathing hard. tears sting my eyes and then he's gone and Jace is in his place sitting up and pulling me into his arms "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you... I promise" he says "no it's fine... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to" I sob. "clary it's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong I promise" he says "Jace?" I ask "what is it?" he asks sounding relieved that im not a balling mess anymore "will you please stay here tonight?" I ask "id love to," he says with a laugh at my nervousness. we drink a little more laughing at stupid jokes then lay down on the couch. "hey clary?" he asks "yea" I respond "I know we haven't known each other long but I have never felt this way about anybody and I don't want this feeling to go away" he says "what I'm trying to say is will you be my girlfriend?" he asks. I smile and giggle a little "only if you'll be my boyfriend" I say. he laughs and I feel it in his chest "well id be stupid to pass up that opportunity" he says with a smirk that I cant see but I know is there. I give him a small kiss then lay back down with my cheek against his rock hard chest. I feel safer than I ever have before in his arms. I don't ever want to leave this feeling. it makes me happy to know that someone cares about me. I never thought anyone would but he just told me he did. it makes me happier than I've ever been. I hope this feeling never goes away. but I've learned that hope can only get you but so far so I won't let this feeling go away. never. and anyone who tries to screw it up will not like my reaction. I can't let this feeling go away and I won't. not ever. these thoughts. when I feel his breathing even out. I force all thoughts out of my head and make myself sleep in his arms where I feel safe. and I sleep well for a while. but only for a little while. the nightmares still come but not as hard they seem to be fading whenever I spend time with him. it gives me a good feeling inside. and I wake up in a sweat but when I see his face and his arms around me I can't help but let a smile split my face and its the most amazing feeling I've ever had before.


	5. taking a trip

**magnus***

I woke up next to the most beautiful head of black hair id ever seen. he flips over and I look into his beautiful blue eyes. "for only being with one other guy you are sure damn good in bed" I say. he blushes and I can feel little Maggy wake up. and from what I can see Alexander is having the same issue. "wanna go for round four?" I ask with a laugh "is that even a question" he says and slams his lips to mine. when Alec reaches his hand towards little Maggy I hear the door slam downstairs. "shit shit shit. you gotta go" I say pushing him towards the window and shoving his clothes into his hands "ill call you later,"I say "mags come with me," he says "I cant," I say "yes you can and if I have to see another cut or bruise on you because I left I won't be able to forgive myself" he says "fine ill meet you outside but you need to go now" I say and shove him towards the window. he leaves and I pull on my boxers and skinny jeans with a galaxy t-shirt and shiny leather combat boots. I put on my rings and bracelets then slip out the window with my secret makeup bag. I walk down the street to alec's car and open the mirror to start on my makeup. he laughs and says he's taking me to breakfast then he'll give me a ride to work. he drives us to java jones and we eat breakfast and drink coffee while he makes a stupid joke about glitter. I give him a death glare and explain to him how many people could die without it. then he drives me to work and I zone out for the rest of the day. until he texts me to invite me over to his place

 _'only if we can finish what we started this morning ;)'-_ _m_

 _I_ _can assure you we will finish that and hopefully start a few more rounds ;)'-_ _a_

he is so much bolder in texts and it is adorable. after that, I zone out and go on autopilot for the rest of the day.

 **izzy***

I wake up next to a brown head of hair and last night rushes back to me.

 _clary went to hang with Jace and I couldn't sleep. I decided to text the nerd and talk to him on my new phone that clary and I picked up yesterday._

'hey it Izzy'-i

'oh hey whats up'-s

'nothing much what about you'-s

'my friends dragged me to some club called pandamonium and I'm bored as hell'-s

'wait you're at pandamonium'-i

'yea why?'-s

'im upstairs'-i

'shit can I hide out with you'-s

'hell yes I'm bored'-i

 _I hear a knock at the door and ask who it is. simon pops his head in and gives me a goofy grin. I grin back and pull him to the bed and make him sit down. we talk for hours and tell jokes. we eventually fall asleep talking and I wake up a couple times during the night to see his glasses in a different position every time .i pull them off his face and set them on the bedside table. I didn't wake up till the next morning._

I grin at the memory of his stupid jokes and passion for star wars. he eventually wakes up to the smell of bacon and we both rush downstairs for breakfast.

 **clary***

I wake up the next morning still in Jace's arms and I can't help but smile. I gently remove his arm from my waist and go downstairs to start on breakfast for everyone. I cook the bacon and eggs then hear footsteps coming from upstairs. then three faces peep into the kitchen from the entrance and then another from Rafael's office. I laugh at there eagerness and start fixing plates. I set them at the bar then go back to fix my own and plop onto the stool next to Jace. I don't ask how Simon got here because I don't really care I'm just glad Izzy looks like she got a good night sleep. when we are done with breakfast we chill for a few minutes in the VIP lounge since there's a tv in there. rafael says he's about to go to sleep until there is a pounding on the entrance to the bar. "Rafael we need to talk" at the sound of that voice I freeze. "shit Izzy take her upstairs and make her show you to top floor and don't come down unless I come to get you" Rafael half-whispers "Jace come with me Simon stay here," he says. izzy puts her hand on the small of my back and rushes me to the stairs. I flinch a little but I don't care. I lead her to the top floor that has been set up as a penthouse like an apartment for Rafael. I pull her into the guest room and tell her to hide in the closet. I grab one of the many guns that Rafael has from under the guest bed and go hide with Izzy. I pull back the hammer until I hear the second click then aim at the door. I don't dare make a sound and neither does Izzy

 **jace***

I walk with Rafael to the door and when he opens it I have a feeling I know who I'm looking at and I don't like it at all. rafael puts on a fake grin but I just cross my arms and try not to start choking this guy. "hey Jonathan it's been a while" Rafael says "where is my sister?" asks the dark-eyed boy. " I don't know Jon, she didn't show up for her shift last night I had to call in mark here to fill in," he says gesturing to me with his thumb. "let me know if you see her. dad wants her home and you know how he gets when he doesn't get what he wants" Jonathan lies. "yea but listen me and mark have to finish cleaning up the bar but ill catch up with you later" Rafael says "yea" says Jonathan then he walks down the street. I can't believe I managed not to kill him as soon as I saw him but if I ever see him again I will make sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on. me and Rafael head upstairs to get clary and Izzy and all I want to do is hold her and make sure she is ok but when I get her I don't get the reaction I expect.

 **clary***

I hear the door to the apartment open and shut then footsteps coming towards the guest room. then I see the shadows at the door to the closet. I keep my aim on the door and when it opens I am ready to shoot at anything with white hair. when I see that the only thing there are two very scared looking men with a gun in there faces I lower it and sigh with relief. I walk past the boys and put the gun back where it belongs after flicking the hammer back into place. then I run to Jace and hug him as tight as I can. he picks me up bridal style then sits on the bed and settles me in his lap. I let a few tears escape my eyes but get myself together soon after. I wipe my tears away and smile at Rafael and Jace "thanks guys for handling that" I say "anytime little red but next time he might end up dead" Jace says with a tight smile. I rub his back and smile at him "hey its ok. he doesn't know I'm here and I'm fine ok" I say trying to wipe away his anger. "ok," he says smiling at me. we go back downstairs and leave Rafael to get some sleep we all go chill in the VIP lounge and eventually decide that tomorrow after my tattoo session that we will invite Magnus and Alec and all hang out at the bar before it opens and upstairs when it opens. me, Izzy, Jace, and Simon decide to go refrigerator shopping for me and Izzy's suits. I saved up some money from working over the years so I have enough to buy mine and Izzy's. we go to Lowes and pick out our fridges then give the people the bar's address to drop them off. jace tell me that he can hook them up because it's really not as complicated as some people think so I didn't have to pay them for that. we go back to the bar, Izzy driving my bike with Simon on the back and me on the back of Jace's wearing his helmet which he forced onto my head. Izzy is wearing mine and Simon is wearing Rafael's I make them stop at the bike shop down the street and buy another helmet and force his on his head and put the new one on Izzy's head. I put my helmet on and tell them we can go now. Jace laughs and revs the engine. I hear Izzy rev the engine of my bike and we head back to the bar. where we find the fridge delivery truck unloading our fridges and bringing them to the door. I guide the men up to the two suits and then send them on there way. I let Jace hook them up then we all go downstairs to the VIP lounge. Izzy turns on the Kardashians claiming she hasn't seen what they have been up to in years. I look at my phone and realize its already at six o'clock. I force myself up and pull Jace with me to the kitchen. I start on supper for all of us and tell Jace to help by cutting potatoes so I can make fried pork chops and mashed potatoes. I remember my mom making them for us when we lived in North Carolina. we moved here when I was five and I remember hating having to leave but thank god every day that my very noticeable drawl wore off. yes, surprisingly North Carolina is filled with southern people and I was one of them when I was little _(An: don't take it as an insult if you are southern. I happen to be a very southern person with a very big drawl)_ I start frying the pork chops after I'm done battering them then start helping Jace finish up the potatoes. I put them on the stove and grab a can of garden peas and start those. when the potatoes are soft I drain them and finish them up. I pull the pork chops out of the fryer and turn off the stove when the garden peas are done. I fix everyone's plates and tell them to take it upstairs because the bar is opening soon. I don't have to work this week because Rafael is the best boss ever so I get to hang out with them tonight. we finish dinner and laugh and joke. when we start to get bored Izzy decides its time that we all start drinking. we play go fish and turn it into a drinking game. the rules are you have to take a shot whenever you have to go fish. we are almost done with the game and I know I'm about to win. "Jace do you have any fives?" I ask knowing damn well he does "nope," he says. _dammit._ I take a shot and when I finish it Jace throws a five card at me and I shoot him a deadly look "if I die of alcohol poisoning I will haunt your ass till you die" I say to him. we stop playing and just start joking around with each other. we all eventually pass out on the floor with me and Jace in each other's arms. I wake up to a dark-haired girl poking me on the shoulder who I want to thank for pulling me out of a nightmare "clary?" she asks "yea?" I say "whats going on with you and Jace?" she asks with a knowing grin on her face. "he asked me to be his girlfriend last night and I said yes," I tell her. she whispers shrieks and then pulls me away from Jace and sits us both on the couch " so did you guys do it or was he all romantic and told you that you should wait? did you guys kiss? was it good? was there tongue? do you guys have a song yet or do we need to go dancing tomorrow so you can get one? I'm thinking June wedding" she doesn't seem to take a breath through her babbling but that's, not my concern unless she passes out. "we were gonna do it but I freaked out and he hugged me and told me it was fine and that he was sorry. he asked me out after that. and yes we kissed. yes, it was good. I can't remember if there was tongue. we made out to _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ and _Come As You Are_ if that counts and I don't think we have to worry about a wedding for a while" I say pretending her blabbering is normal. who knows it might be but I've never had a friend that was a girl so I wouldn't know. I just let her ask questions and I answer them to the best of my ability. I gently steer the subject to the topic of her and Simon and she starts blushing. " I really don't know what we are doing. we've only hung out twice but I think I like him" she says with a smile "hey Jace and I have only hung out a few times and we are together" I point out "yea but you guys just look like you are great together but I don't know. he just seems like the type that wouldn't date a former prostitute. but who really is the type to date a former prostitute" she says "maybe he's an exception, I mean he is kind of different, maybe he likes prostitutes" I say "former prostitute" she corrects "former prostitute" I say. "hey what do you think about Alec and mags getting together?" I ask "they look awesome together. I'm pretty sure they are hooking up because Alec talks about him a lot and they are always hanging out before and after work" she says. we talk more and eventually fall asleep. I wake up the next morning and am about to go cook breakfast when someone grabs my wrist. "ah ah you are not cooking anymore. I am taking you to Takis for some of the best damn pancakes ever" he says. I giggle and start getting ready. I pull on a black Metallica t-shirt and skinny jeans with my converse and my black leather jacket. I walk out to find Jace pulling on a t-shirt and I see his rock hard abs and want to melt like butter. "like what you see little red?" he asks with a smirk "hell yea" I say smirking back. he chuckles and leads me out to his bike he is about to go when I shove his helmet onto his head. and buckle it "I don't feel like watching your brain matter explode onto the sidewalk if we get in an accident" I say at his questioning look. we go to Takis and eat the best damn pancakes ever. we laugh and joke and ask each other questions. when we are done eating Jace pays for the food and we head out to his bike. "Clarissa!" I hear. I turn and see my father down the sidewalk looking very angry "go to the abandoned building now"I say shoving his helmet on his head and getting on the bike. I decide to ignore my helmet and just let him go. when we get to the building a collapse onto one of the old worn leather couches and sigh. "I'm guessing that was your dad," he says "yea. he's looking for me and so is Jonathan I cant stay in one spot for too long or they will find me" I say feeling defeated "where the hell are you gonna go?" he asks "I have no fucking idea" I say "I've got an idea but I don't know how you'll feel about it" he says "anything is better than going back to hell" I say "my foster dad is going out of town next week for a month. what if we go on a trip while he's gone and by the time the month is up they will think you left the state and either give up looking or leave the state trying to find you but they won't know that you came back" he says "holy shit that sounds like a great idea" I say "alright we just need to figure out a place to go" he says grinning. I know the perfect place. valentine thinks I forgot about it. hell, he barely remembers himself. it would be amazing to go back "what about North Carolina," I say "we used to live there but Valentine thinks I don't remember it because I was too young and the beach down there is amazing," I say "well id love to see where my girlfriend was born and spent some of her childhood" he says with a grin "wait can we really go?" I ask feeling excited "hell yea," he says, his grin growing at the sight of my excitement. "holy shit when can we go?" I ask "next week on Friday," he says "shit this is awesome," I say and kiss him so hard it takes my breath away. he smiles and slips his tongue into my mouth. our lips melt together and I don't ever want it to end. we are forced apart by our need for air. "holy shit this is amazing you are officially the best person I know" I say "you seem excited" he says sarcastically "hell yea I have wanted to go back to North Carolina since I fucking left. you can actually see stars down there and the beach is amazing. holy shit what if I start getting my drawl back. that would really suck"I say and realize its already starting to come back "its ok you get it when your drunk and I just heard it when you were talking and I must say it is sexy" he says planting a kiss on my lips "dammit that is the one thing I don't like about North Carolina. almost everybody has a drawl and it will infect you" I say warningly. "well if you get infected I might not be able to keep my hands off you" he says with a smirk "well Jace harondale you might be in for a world of trouble" I say intentionally letting drawl come through "I think you might be the one in trouble clary Morgenstern" he says "ugh that is one thing I will be doing while im in the place that holds my birth certificate" I say "what?" he asks "changing my godforsaken last name" I say "that can be our first day trip" he says "Rafael would have to come down there to sign for a hotel room because you have to be twenty-one to rent down there" I tell him "well we have got to go ahead and get a hotel room" he says. "come on we can leave now and we can use rafaels laptop to find a room" I say "lets go" he says. we get on his bike after doing a full sweep around the building. he drives us to the bar and when we get there we recruit izzy and Simon to help us pick a room. we decided to look down near the beach since its still spring so they will be cheaper. when we found a nice room we took Rafael's laptop upstairs to his apartment where we found him awake eating cereal in his boxers. "what" he asks "me and Jace a taking a trip to North Carolina" I say "and why is that?" he asks "because Valentine saw me on the street and I need to go away for a while" I answer "shit clary are you ok" he says getting up and looking me up and down. "yea im fine but my point for this visit was that we need you to come down there to sign for the room and sign it out when we leave" I tell him "how long are you guys staying?" he asks. I look to Jace because it all depends on his foster dad. "a month" he says. "ok ill go down there. when are you leaving?" Rafael asks "next Friday" Jace answers "well you guys better get that room fast and then make sure you have enough alcohol to last through it because if I find missing bottles again I'm gonna be pissed," Rafael says "can we take some for real?" I ask "I don't even think you would have listened if I said no," he says "probably not," I tell him. jace and I have reserved the room and when Alec and Magnus get here Rafael closes the bar and we all celebrate me and Jace's trip. this is going to be the best month of my life.


	6. thoughts

**sorry this is late i completly forgot to update but here she is my little mundies.**

 **clary***

it's the Saturday before we leave and I am already getting impatient. Jace and I have hung out all week so that when his foster father comes back he can stay there and not feel guilty about not spending enough time with me. which is ridiculous. on Thursday I went and got another tattoo of a daisy chain to cover the scar on my stomach and I love it. we are going to the abandoned bar tonight to start cleaning it up. magnus turns 18 this coming month and has saved up enough to buy it so we are going to start getting all the old furniture out so he can start refurbishing it instead of having to buy new furniture. he said me and Jace could take some of the old liquor with us to NC so we don't have to reduce Rafael's supply. Jace an I are going to start packing this week since we will be gone for so long. we have already set up a way for mags, Izzy, Alec, and Simon to come down to celebrate Magnus's birthday together. I pull on an old t-shirt and jeans so that we can leave soon. when I leave the room I find Jace still shirtless and I feel my knees get weak. he smiles when he sees me staring "like what you see?" he asks "I don't know the ego on top of it is kind of killing the mood," I say. he smirks and walks over to me planting a kiss on the corner of my mouth and moving down to the weak spot that he knows too well. I kiss along his jawline and make my way down to his neck then to his chest and abruptly pull away leaving little Jace awake. "we have work to do so go take a cold shower and then we can go" I tell him with a smirk. "I think you should join me" he says with a smirk of his own "too bad I already took a shower and we have to leave soon" I say grinning "you will be the death of me little red" he says "I think you mean ill be the death of little Jace" I say with another smirk. I plop on the couch "make your shower quick. we don't want to be late" I tell him. he grins and heads to the bathroom. I hear the water turn on and I take it as my chance to steal Rafael's cigarettes and have one before I leave. I do just that and sit on the couch after spraying fabreeze and perfume to cover the smell. I don't know how Jace feels about smoking and I don't plan to tell him anytime soon unless I see him doing so himself. he walks out of the bathroom fully clothed while drying his head with a towel. he sniffs the air. "whats with the fabreeze?" he asks "nothing I just like the smell" I lie. "I've got to use the bathroom then we can go," I say. I go to the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth and flush the toilet so he doesn't know I didn't actually use it. we go out on his bike and I shove his helmet on his head and pull my helmet onto mine. we ride to the soon to be a bar and see that Izzy and Simon are already there along with Magnus and Alec. we go inside and up the stairs and find them pulling big leather couch towards what used to be private rooms. "you have to turn it left no my left" says Magnus "why don't we just flip it" Izzy suggests "guys you know you can disconnect the two sides right" I tell them "and this is why biscuit is my favorite" Magnus announces "how do we disconnect them?" Simon asks "hold on ill do it,"I say and jog to help them. I gently pull the part they had gotten through, out of the doorway and tell Jace to help me flip it the right way so I can disconnect the parts. he holds it steady while I unhook them. when I'm finished one part of the couch slams to the floor right next to me. I let out a little scream until I realize I'm fine. "shit sorry are you ok?" asks Jace "yea I'm fine it just scared me. ok, you guys can take the parts into the backrooms and me and Jace will disconnect them" I say. they nod and start pulling the pieces into the backroom. jace makes me tell him how to disconnect the pieces so he can sit under the 'deathtrap' as he called it, instead of me. I hold the two pieces up and let him do his thing. we have all four couches disconnect by the time everyone else has gotten the first couch in the back room. jace and I start helping them and then we all get to work on putting the barstools in another room. there are two bars and 24 barstools but we get it done quickly. we go downstairs to start on the dance floor part of the place and get the barstools from down there. we finish with all the furniture and decide to take a break. we sit on a couple of crates of liquor. " you guys can take one of these crates when you leave" Magnus says "I think we will only need half a crate" I say "well if you think you start running low ill bring some down there when we come for my birthday" he insists "ok" I say with a laugh "well since we are finished with furniture I vote we use one of these crates as a reward" Izzy suggests "I am so ok with that" I say "me too" Alec says. Izzy passes out bottles and we drink and joke and have a good night. I wake up from nightmares the next morning and the first thing I notice is that Alec and Magnus are tangled in each other's arms and are both smiling in their sleep. _I knew it._ I snuggle into Jace and rest my eyes until I hear that someone else is awake. turns out its Jace. we sit in silence for a few minutes until I notice that he is smiling at Magnus and Alec. "those two are so bad at hiding there feelings" he says "damn right" I say. "I am so ready to leave," he says "how come?" I ask "because I'll get to be alone with you for a month," he says "is Jace Harondale getting sappy with me?" I asked sarcastically "no I just can't wait to be able to do this," he says kissing my neck in that sweet spot "anytime we want" he continues. "eww get a room" I here a whiny voice say "without interruptions" he adds "Iz just because you are hungover does not mean that you can use that horrid voice. you might make my ears bleed" I say. "shut up. we need food. very greasy food" she says "Takis?" I ask Jace. "yea the bacon might get rid of her whining," he says with a laugh. "let's go,"I say. I stand up and go wake up mags and alec. we go to Takis and laugh and joke while we eat and I know that this bond we all have is going to last for a very long time.

 **friday (trip)**

Jace and I shove the crate of alcohol that Magnus insisted we take into the back of Rafael truck and push in our bags behind it. I turn to your friends who came to see us off. simon and alec are smiling and Izzy is crying while Magnus is shooting suggestive glances at me and Jace. "Izzy, stop crying. you have my brothers bike that you can take to visit us whenever you want" I tell her "but call first" Jace adds. I roll my eyes and grin at his suggestive look. "ok guys we have to hurry so we don't lose our room" I say. magnus gives me a bear hug and picks me up "put this boy in his place while you're gone" he whispers in my ear. "ok" I whisper back. I see Alec and Jace do a bro hug and he and Simon clap each other on the shoulder. I see Jace wince slightly at this but no one else does. I make a mental note to check on him at the first gas stop. I hug Izzy and Alec, then give Simon a hug as well. I get on my bike and Jace soon follows after saying goodbye to Magnus and Izzy. rafael hops in his truck and we drive towards NC. we make our first stop in Pennsylvania and I immediately make Jace follow me into the men's room. I lock the door. "take your shirt off" I say "clary this place is filthy we can't do such things here" he says "Jace take off your shirt" I demand. he takes off his shirt with a sigh. I see newly formed bruises on his stomach and I feel the tears pricking my eyes. I go to the other side of him and see more on his shoulder and back and four whip marks running from his shoulders to his hips. they don't go deep but I know from experience that it still hurts like a bitch. "come on we can grab you some pain pills and I'll take a better look when we get to the hotel" I say as Jace pulls his shirt on looking ashamed "don't be embarrassed, Jace" I tell him "its embarrassing clary. it is embarrassing for you to see it" he says "do you think I don't get embarrassed when you see mine. do you think it's not embarrassing to admit what my brother did? because it is"I say "yes but I should be the one helping you. you shouldn't be helping me" he says "why because I'm a girl? well, don't you know in the war that the women were taking care of the injured men? but guess what the men still saved us. just because you have help doesn't mean that you aren't helping" I tell him "so it's my turn to play doctor. when I cut my foot on a shell at the beach you can carry me back to the hotel and patch me up if it will make you feel better" I say "well that definitely sounds like a plan" he says with a smirk. "come on we need to hurry up" I tell him. we grab the strongest tylonol packs they have and continue our drive to NC. we get there by around 5:00 and checked in. we told Rafael he could stay until tomorrow but he said that he needed to get back to the bar. I picked up a first aid kit at Walmart when we had to make a quick stop because we forgot beach towels. I pull it out of the compartment under the seat of my bike and took it inside. I made Jace take off his shirt and I cleaned out the marks on his back. I covered them with gauze pads and replaced the ones from last week. I made him lay down and nap with me but he said that he was taking me out tonight so I set an alarm. we woke up around seven and he told me to put on a bathing suit under my clothes. "I can't go swimming,"I tell him while shaking my head like a madwoman "hey look at me," he says. I look at him with nervous eyes "we aren't going anywhere with a lot of people and we are going out to eat first. we both need to get over our embarrassment" he says. I still feel nervous and he can tell. "hey take off your shirt," he says "that's only for when I'm drunk and don't care," I tell him "clary please" he begs. I swallow hard and slowly take off my shirt and immediately cover my torso with my arms. Jace gets on his knees and gently moves my arms. he kisses his way up making sure to plant a kiss on every single bruise, cut and scar then he tangles his fingers in my hair and kisses me soft and hard all at once there so much care and passion in every move we make and I don't think I've ever felt this cared for before. we both pull away for air and he smiles showing off his perfect teeth except the one little-chipped tooth that only seems to make him more perfect. I get ready and we go out to eat on the pier. we brought two water bottles filled with vodka with us for later so we can drink and not look suspicious. jace convinced me to wear a short-sleeved shirt because it is scorching hot outside. we finished eating and he leads me to the end of the pier that usually has a bar but its closed for tonight. he takes me to the top deck and hands me a bottle. I take a swig and he follows. "ok now take off your clothes" he says with a grin. he strips off his shirt and I follow his lead. he pulls himself onto the railing and pulls me up with him "Jace we can't do this it's illegal" I say "so is underage drinking" he points out. I sigh feeling defeated. I look down feeling like I'm going to vomit. "scared?" he teases "no" I lie. _come on clary you have seen far scarier._ I jump without thinking and feel my stomach drop. I hit the water and barely make a splash. I stay under and hold my breath. I wait for Jace to jump in and soon enough he does. he surfaces and I can see him looking for me but it's blurry. I hear him call me and I want to laugh. he dives under and finds me then drags me back to the surface. I play dead and want to laugh so bad. "shit. shit. shit. shit" he says pulling me towards the sand. I can't take it anymore and laugh so hard I almost pee. "dammit clary I thought you were dead" he shouts. he grins soon after I accidentally snort. I get embarrassed and blush but it's too dark for him to see. "aww I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you" I say wrapping my arms and legs around him. he must have pulled us in rather far because he can touch the bottom. "can I make it up to you?" I ask with a pout "you damn sure can" he says pushing me against a pillar. he kisses me hard and I kiss back harder. I run my hands down his arms until I reach his hands and I discretely guide them away from a bruise on my lower back. I glide my hands back up his arms then down to his chest. we are forced apart because we must have been standing in a sinkhole and we drop under the water. we both resurface laughing and giggling. I wrap my arms and legs around him again and he walks us back up to the pier with me still wrapped around him and his hands cupping my ass to hold me up. he expertly maneuvers me into his arms bridal style before I know whats happening and he carries me all the way down the pier refusing to let me walk. he sets me down long enough to put our stuff in my bag. I try to pick it up but he grabs it first and smirks at me. we walk back to our room with people staring at both of us. I notice a couple of sympathetic looks and a couple of rich looking couples look appalled. Jace suddenly picks me up and carries me over his shoulder. "if they don't like us for it then fuck them don't be embarrassed ok?" he says "how come you get to be embarrassed when i patch you up"I ask "because you are a 4 foot tall redhead with anger issues" he says "if I have to tell you that I am 5'2 one more time we are going to have a problem" I say "and there are the anger issues I was talking about" he says. we reach the hotel room and he sets me on the bed along with the bag. I look around the room. there are two neatly made beds. one is covered in our bags and a couple of the bottles of liquor. there is a door leading to a small bathroom and a tv. it looks just like it did when my family and I came here for a beach trip when I was little. Jace kisses my forehead and looks at me with sweet eyes. "I call the first shower," he says. he darts to the bathroom before I have time to make it halfway across the small room. I laugh as he shuts the door and I lay down on the bed with a huge grin. he exits the bathroom in his boxers and a towel over his head that he is shaking vigorously. I giggle at him and grab my night clothes. I go into the bathroom and strip down while I let the water reheat. I stand under the hot water and let it cascade down my back and chest. I bathe and wash my hair. when I get out I look at my monstrous hair in the mirror. I run a brush through it and put on my PJs which consist of a baggy t-shirt that reaches my knees and a pair of black underwear. I leave the bathroom and pounce on a half-asleep Jace. he doesn't even open his eyes. "clary you weigh like 90 pounds. pouncing on me only brings dirty thoughts to my mind" he says with closed eyes and a suggestive grin. I slump over beside him and crawl under the covers while snuggling into his chest. he grins and wraps his arms around me. I lift my leg and let it rest on top of his. we fall asleep like that and I fall asleep with a smile. but the smile quickly turns into a frown in my sleep as the nightmares take over my brain and I dart awake around 3 in the morning. I look to my side where I see Jace sleeping with a frown. he groans and flinches slightly in his sleep. I snuggle back into his chest and the frown and the flinching soon turn to a smile and his arms wrapping around my waist. I stay there staring at the wall, thinking. my mind travels everywhere from tonight to the other parts of the week and suddenly they stop abruptly on my father. he always had a temper but when my mom left he just got plain furious and took it out on me and my brothers. sebastian always tried to protect me and Jonathan but he either got beaten until he was unconscious or to injured to move. the boys never had to go to the attic. the attic is where Valentine kept his belt and whip. I've taken 5 trips to the attic. one for being home late. one for trying to run. one for giving Jonathan a bloody nose. and my last one was for hitting Valentine back. the other I hate talking about. needless to say, I never tried doing any of these things again. my mind wanders to the things he might do if he finds me. he probably doesn't care that I'm gone but Jonathan does. I carefully untangle myself from Jace and go down to the beach. I sit in the sand and look out onto the dark ocean. I love this. its peaceful and I feel like all my worries are gone. no one is on the beach. it's just me. I think about me and Jace and how much better my life has been since I met him and my new friends. it's awesome. it has never been this good. I don't think it could ever be better than this. I'm not in that hell hole with those two. maybe I should call Sebastian and tell him about how much better everything has been. when he left he would tell me something great he always apologized for telling me but I didn't mind. he's happy and that's all I wanted for him. now we are both happy and getting on with our lives. maybe not together but it is still great and I love it. I go back inside around 4:30 and I still have the happy thoughts that I never thought could exist. I was so wrong. and the fact that I was wrong makes me smile ear to ear.


	7. killing me softly

clary*

I woke up to find mine and Jace's hair mixed and tickling my nose. I tried to pull away from the feeling but I felt my hair being pulled and saw that he was laying on it. I took a deep breath then yanked my hair out from under his head. I knew he had a theoretically big head but that thing must have been heavy judging by the sting on my skull. I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth then put on some makeup. I got dressed and decided that I needed food. I shook Jace to try to wake him up but he didn't budge. I shook him again but he still didn't make a sound. I did the only logical thing that popped into my head and pounced on the sleeping beast and he finally groaned. damn, he's a heavy sleeper. "get up I need food" I said "can't you wait like another thirty minutes" he groaned "no if I don't have food now I will slowly dissipate into a shriveled up elderly raisin and die" I said "no dying just give me like five more minutes" he said "isn't it illegal to starve a girl to death" I say "isn't it illegal to drive a motorcycle at 16" he countered "yes but I think murder is worse" I said "alright I'm getting up" he groaned. he pushed himself off the bed with as much drama as he could and then disappeared into the bathroom. he resurfaced a few minutes later and grabbed a set of clothes then disappeared and reappeared again. he took my hand and led me to his bike and shoved a helmet on my head. I shoved one on his in return then we took off to the nearest diner. I had been here when I was little. the diner was called four corners and it was always packed but today seemed to be slower. we sat and ordered we talked about random things for a while until a familiar head of pitch black hair and eyes to match walked into the diner with the bell ringing behind him. his dark eyes fell on me and a look of surprise and adoration covered his angular face "Clare?" he asked looking for reassurance "Seb?" I countered. he grinned and suddenly I was scooped out of the booth and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and grinned ear to ear. "oh my god I missed you so much" he said "what happened? why are you in Carolina? what about Jonathan? he hasn't hurt you has he?" he bombards me with these questions and I let out a sad smile. "sit down," I say as I feel tears prick my eyes but I don't let them fall "we can talk about that later. for now, this is Jace, my boyfriend, we are here on a trip" I tell him. "boyfriend? I don't know you man but with that title, I automatically don't like you" he says to Jace. "I'm sorry man but I might have to kill before we leave" he adds. Jace's face contorts into one of an odd combination of fear and confidence. "no he won't he's gonna sit here, have a waffle and talk like a civilized person" I say to both him and Jace. seb orders and we talk about his college life for a while. he asks Jace a few questions. some of himself others that had to do with me and him that embarrass me. when we get our food Seb leans in close to my ear "does he know?" he asks in a whisper. I nod and take a bite of my waffle. "so how is everything over there then I know Jonny boy probably isn't happy" he says "actually I left. I'm living above Rafael's bar" I tell him "and you didn't think that was something I should know" he half shouts "well I wasn't quite ready to explain the circumstances just yet" I half-shout back. "what could have happened that hasn't already" he shouts I am about to shout everything that happened and everything that I felt and had to go through when he left until Jace squeezes my hand that he had been holding under the table reminding me that we were in public. I growl "follow us to our hotel I can't talk to you here," I say. Jace pays the guy for our food and insists on paying for Sebastian as well. we ride his bike back to the motel and Seb follows close behind. we pull up in front of our door and go inside. I pull Seb in and I set us both on the bed. " I'm going to give you guys some privacy," Jace says "no because I haven't been completely honest with you so you need to hear this too," I tell him. I wait for him to sit down. "the night after you left for college I had gone to work and a customer had ripped my shirt some. valintine saw and beat me worse than normal and took me to the attic. when I got downstairs that night Jonathan had heard everything and thought I had been sleeping with someone. he beat me and then dragged me into his room and he...he hurt me" the tears started to form when I started getting into that part. "he said I was his and that I wasn't allowed to be shacking up with anyone. when he was done he made sure I knew what I was. I turned and pulled off my shirt and moved my hair to reveal the word _'whore'_ that had been carved into my back almost 4 years ago. I heard a gasp escape my brother. Jace had already seen them all but he looked very angry. "why did you lie Clare" Jace asked "I don't know it just felt better to pretend it wasn't happening for so long" I said. "why didn't you tell me?! I could have done something. I could've come gotten you sooner" he told me "I'm sorry I just didn't want to be a burden on you," I said "clary you could never be a burden I would have gotten you sooner but I wanted to be able to afford to give you whatever the hell you wanted. I was actually going to go get you next week because I got this high paid gig at the hospital" he said "well I'm fine now and it doesn't matter its in the past. I have Jace and new friends and I've got a steady job and a roof. and I've still got you. I don't need anything else" I tell him "now I think we should all go chill on the beach," I say. "that sounds like a great idea" Seb agreed "definitely" Jace added. Seb goes out to his car to grab his trunks and leaves me and Jace alone. he looks me in the eyes but I tear away my gaze. I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to look at him. how can he stand to look at me after everything I just told him. I grab my bathing suit and a big t-shirt and go to the bathroom. I shut the door and peel off my shirt. Jace comes in and I cover myself discreetly with my arms. "clary stop. look at me" I look at him in the mirror "you know what I mean Clare" I sigh and turn around towards him and look at his chest. he huffs "Clare nothing that you just told me changes my feelings for you. I still care about you" he gently takes my hands and moves my arms off of my stomach revealing the new daisy chain tattoo and a couple small scars. "and you still look just as beautiful as you did before" he says. I give him a small smile and look him in the eyes through my eyelashes. "and if you're going to look at me like that I'm going to have to beg you to keep a shirt on. "oh and why is that Mr. harondale?" I tease him. "because when you see something you like your first reaction is to touch it. and sometimes its too hard to stop yourself" he says seductively in my ear while he runs his hands down my sides. I shiver and look at him again. "if Seb walks in and sees that we are in the bathroom together I think the last thing you will be worried about is keeping your hands off me" I tease again. he smirks and plants a slow passionate kiss on my lips "Seb can't stay forever" he says. he smirks again and then leaves the bathroom. I grin to myself and change into my all black bikini and pull on my t-shirt. I exit the bathroom and find Jace and Seb in there trunks and t-shirts. we walk down to the beach with a bag of towels and some sunscreen. there's only a couple and an old man tanning on the beach so we take the opportunity to go swimming for a bit so we don't get a ton of weird looks. we all have enough scars to get stared at and none of us wanted to deal today. when a family pulls up on the beach. we all get out of the water. the woman gave us a sympathetic look while her husband glared at us. the children didn't even notice because they started a sand castle as soon as they reached the sand. I pulled on my t-shirt and so did the boys. we decided to go back to the hotel after we had a couple of drinks from the 'water' bottles Jace fixed. hung around and joked. Jace and I smoked some of Seb's weed that he couldn't smoke because of his gig at the hospital. we got kind of high and hungry so we ordered a pizza. we devoured that and ordered another one. when Jace went to the bathroom I decided to take the opportunity to get myself a little treat. "hey Seb can you do me a favor?" I whisper "what," he asks "can you get me a pack of smokes from the gas station next door?" I ask "sure but why are you whispering?" he asks "because I don't want Jace to know yet. some people don't like smokers" I tell him "ok" he says. Jace walks out and I go to the bathroom. I can't wait I haven't had a cigarette since we got here.

 **Jace***

I sit on the bed and wish to god that I thought this guy wasn't going to get mad when I asked him this "hey man can you do me a huge favor?" I whisper "sure what is it?" he asks. "can you get me a pack of cigarettes from next door and not tell your sister?" I ask. he laughs lightly "yea man what kind?" he asks still laughing "Marlboros. the gold pack" I say. he laughs a little harder. he gets up and I hand him some money. he leaves the room just as Clary enters. she seems happier now. what is with her and her brother. she's grinning ear to ear for no reason and he was laughing about cigarettes. she sits in my lap and I plant a soft kiss on her lips. she grins even wider and that makes me smile. I hear the door open and Jon has two cartons of cigarettes instead of one pack. he throws the gold carton at us and laughs "the funniest part of the whole thing is that you both smoke the same cigarettes" he opens the other carton and pulls out a pack of menthol lights. gross. I pull a pack from our carton and open it up. I put one in my mouth and grab a lighter that Sebastian had tossed on the small table between both beds clary takes a cigarette from the pack and take the lighter from me when I'm done with it. I put the cigarette to my lips and it's been so long I almost choke

 **Clary***

I inhale deeply and almost choke because of how long it has been. I'm glad that I know Jace accepts even the tiniest things about me. I swear this man is perfect. how did he end up asking me out? I guess I'll never know. we chill for a while and Seb went and picked up lunch. I don't know where he went but the food is amazing. after lunch, we decide that sitting in a hotel room all day sucks so we go out. we shop a little and Jace and I make out a little in the dressing room while Seb looked at flip flops since he broke his walking into the store. Jace and I were connected to each other's lips and moving in harmony when Seb burst in the door. "guys you couldn't wait until we got back to the hotel where this stuff is supposed to happen" he said. Jace smirked at me and I rolled my eyes Jace let me go from his grip on my ass and I landed gently on my feet. we went back to the motel after we ate supper at Amos Mosquitos. we decided to make a bonfire and we drank a little other than Seb who drank a lot claiming that he didn't party in college so he had to party somewhere. eventually, I asked Jace to take him back to the motel while I put out the fire and got our stuff together which was scattered all over the beach. when he left I started picking up our stuff and put out the fire. I walked down the beach and saw people hunting for crabs and couples trying to find the most romantic spot. I reached our motel which was right next to the pier and saw an uncomfortably familiar figure. I ignored the odd feeling in my stomach and kept walking. when I reached the first step my bag was yanked off my shoulder and I was pushed to the ground. I felt the cement steps scrape the skin from my knees and palms. "Clarissa dear. we need to have a serious conversation. now when you ran away I wasn't very happy at first but then I realized I had one less mouth to feed" he said. like you ever fed me. he kicked me and I fell to my side. "so I didn't bother looking for you. but your brother, on the other hand, is trying to track you down. if you let him find you" his foot connected with my nose but it didn't break. he was going easy. "I will personally give you the worst punishment you could ever have" his foot connected with my mouth. "then I will kill your other brother, then your little lover boy right in front of your eyes" another blow to my face that would definitely blacken my eye. "then when your tears are still black from mourning those people. I will kill you too" he says delivering a blow to my side. "are we clear?" he asks as he digs his heel into my hand. I didn't answer at first because I was too busy yelping in pain "are. we. clear?" he asks one last time. "yes sir" I yelp. he chuckles and he walks away leaving me on the cement. I don't move for a while trying to make sure Jace and Sebastian are asleep. as I walk back to the room I run into Jace and immediately look to the floor trying to hide the blood that was pouring from my nose and mouth. "Clare what took you so long?" he asks with a grin. "hey whats wrong?" he asks. "nothing," I say still looking at the ground. Jace glances at my shirt and his face hardened at the sight. I glance in the same direction and see that blood had stained it. he hooks a finger under my chin and I know the blood had come off in his hand. he tips my head up until I'm looking into his eyes. I force them down in shame. "what happened?" he repeats. "is Seb asleep?" I ask him. "he should be but he could be eating the leftovers from dinner," Jace says "Clare, please tell me what happened," he says. "Valentine was on the beach. he doesn't want me to come back home. he said if I let Jonathan find me that he would kill you and Seb" I said. I didn't care if he killed me but I had to make sure he knew that Valentine was coming after him if I was found. "come on. lets clean you up" he says. he takes the bag from my shoulder and shrugs it onto his own then he takes my hand and leads me back to the room. we reach the door and walk in. Seb was still awake chowing down on Jace's leftovers. I hide behind Jace while he drops the bag next to our bed and takes me to the bathroom. he pulls out the first aid kit from under the sink and he pulls out the supplies he needs. "I want the whole story," he says while wiping away the blood from my chin and cheek. " I was on my way back to the room and he caught me from behind and he started telling me how glad he was that I left and he said Jonathan wasn't happy about it. he said that if I let Jonathan bring me home that he would kill you and Sebastian in front of me and then kill me" I told him. I didn't cry or even feel anything. I knew some of those threats were empty and I hadn't felt anything when it came to Valentine's words in a long time. Jace cleaned my face and got a plastic bag and went to fill it with ice in the machine down the walkway. while he was gone I looked at myself in the mirror. I had a busted lip and my nose and eye were already forming bruises. I sighed in frustration. I had let him hurt me again and I didn't try to fight back. I didn't even care. I deserved what he had done and a lot more. why would he hate me so much if I wasn't a terrible person? if my own father can't love me how could anyone else. how can I even love myself? before I can ponder this anymore Jace is back with the ice. Jace gives me a sympathetic smile and sits me back down on the toilet lid. he holds the bag of ice that he wrapped in paper towels to my right eye and I hold one to my bloody hand. the thoughts flooded my mind again and a tear slipped from my eye. Jace reached up and wiped it from my cheek and pulled me down onto his lap. I took the ice pack from him and held it to my eye then put the other one in the sink and I cried silently but I refused to let him know so I buried my face in his chest and forced myself not to sob. eventually, Jace carried me to our bed and we lay down with the ice still to my eye. Jace wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into his chest. "you ok?" he asks "yea" I answer in a surprisingly steady voice. I put the ice pack on the nightstand and snuggle back into Jace. eventually, his breath evens out and I gently crawl away. I grab my smokes and go outside. I plop into one of the plastic chairs and light a cigarette. I sit there smoking and thinking about how unlovable I am. then my thought travel to my brother and how much he said he was trying to do for me. he was trying to make sure my life would be perfect when he got me out. and then I think of Jace. I think its too early for what we both feel to be love but I know he cares about me. if he didn't why would he say he does, why would he patch me up when I looked like shit. my bad thoughts were washed away and I finished my cigarette. I went back inside and snuggled back up to Jace. he wrapped his arms around me instinctively and I smiled to myself. fuck valentine.


	8. AN

hey, guys so I just saw today that the chapter I was going to post has been deleted. I would start writing today and post tomorrow but I was in a very bad car accident this morning and I am so tired and I honestly just want to go to sleep and rest for a while. I will definitely update asap but I don't know if it will be this week. I do have some news for any supernatural fans. I have started on a new story for supernatural and I think it is going to be a lot different from what I have seen up here. but I will be updating this story asap. love you mundies


	9. sex and deep convos

Jace and I were sitting on the beach waiting for everyone to get here and until a very strong bear scooped me up and tried to crush me. when my vision stopped blurring I see that the bear is Izzy. "I missed you so much," she says. "I missed you too," I tell her. we all hug each other and then chill on the beach for a while. after a while, we start getting ready for Magnus's gifts. Izzy and alec are giving him a shopping spree. simon is getting us into a five-star club. and Jace and I are buying breakfast and dinner tonight. we head to the motel room and get ready to go shopping. we head to the mall and Izzy and Magnus immediately hit the shops. I get dragged from place to place after Izzy and Magnus find their outfits. they make me try on all kinds of dresses and I'm not sure if I will be able to stand by the time we leave. we finally find something that I am too tired to argue over and go back to the motel. we all start getting ready except the guys who claim they only need 5 minutes. magnus insists that for his birthday present that I become his makeup guinea pig. when we are done with makeup we start getting dressed. neither Magnus nor Izzy question the bruises covering my stomach. I slip on the black dress and look in the full-length mirror. the dress hits about mid-thigh and the middle is a lace material revealing some of my stomach. the bruises don't show through the dark fabric. magnus is dressed in a sparkly black blazer and plain black pants and sparkly black shoes. he looks good. Izzy is wearing a sheer black top over a black bralette and a short baby pink skirt. she tosses me a pair of black six-inch heels with only two straps. I slip them on reluctantly and practice walking while Izzy slips on a pair just like them. the heel is kind of chunky so it's not too hard to walk. I look in the mirror and I actually feel hot. I look awesome. we walk out of the bathroom to find the boys all dressed similarly and ready to go. jace wears his usual all black with his biker jacket and boots. alec wears all black as well but his shirt is a jumper unlike Jace's which is a v-neck t-shirt and his jeans don't ride as low as Jace's. Simon, on the other hand, is in a black gamer tee with black skinny jeans and hightop black converse. Jace's eyes darken as his eyes rake my body. I blush at this while he helps me into my leather jacket. he wraps an arm around my waist and leads me out to his bike. alec and Simon do the same with Magnus and Izzy. with how similar their movements are I could swear they rehearsed this. jace straddles his bike after helping me onto the back. it's a good thing this dress is tight or else everyone would catch a glimpse of my underwear. we all ride off to the restaurant and eat knowing we would be drinking. after we finish me and Jace let them know who we are so we don't have to pay since I know the owner. we head out to our bikes and ride off to the club. we walk past the line after Simon's hands out our fake id's he had made by a friend of his. we don't have to wait in line because Simon apparently knew the owner a long time ago and he didn't mind giving us a free pass inside. we hit the bar as soon as we walk in the door. jace orders us both a double shot of vodka. he picks me up by my waist and sets me on a barstool. "did I tell you how sexy you look tonight?" he says. I hum at the feeling in the pit of my stomach. jace slams his lips to mine and rubs his tongue over my bottom lip. I open my mouth to let him in and kiss him back hard. his hands run up and down my thighs slightly pushing up my dress. suddenly I am pulled away by an already drunk Izzy. she pulls me to the dance floor leaving behind a laughing Jace. she starts dancing and I decide to join her. one guy starts grinding on me and it instantly disgusted. "ew" I say and move to the other side of Izzy. she laughs at the situation "girl that was savage as fuck" she says. "ooh I think your boy toy saw because he's looking pretty jealous" she says pointing over to him. I walk over to him and pull him onto the dance floor with me and Izzy. I shake my ass on his waist and I barely hear he groan over the music. I turn and start grinding with him. one of my favorite songs come on and Jace notices me smile at the music and starts spinning me around to the song issues by Julia Michaels.

 _I'm jealous, I'm overzealous_

 _When I'm down, I get real down_

 _When I'm high, I don't come down_

 _I get angry, baby, believe me_

 _I could love you just like that_

 _And I could leave you just this fast_

 _But you don't judge me_

 _'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too_

 _No, you don't judge me_

 _'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too_

 _'Cause I got issues_

 _But you got 'em too_

 _So give 'em all to me_

 _And I'll give mine to you_

 _Bask in the glory_

 _Of all our problems_

 _'Cause we got the kind of love_

 _It takes to solve 'em_

 _Yeah, I got issues_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you_

 _You do shit on purpose_

 _You get mad and you break things_

 _Feel bad, try to fix things_

 _But you're perfect_

 _Poorly wired circuit_

 _And got hands like an ocean_

 _Push you out, pull you back in_

 _'Cause you don't judge me_

 _'Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too_

 _No, you don't judge me_

 _'Cause you see it from same point of view_

 _'Cause I got issues_

 _But you got 'em too_

 _So give 'em all to me_

 _And I'll give mine to you_

 _Bask in the glory_

 _Of all our problems_

 _'Cause we got the kind of love_

 _It takes to solve 'em_

 _Yeah, I got issues_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you_

 _(I got issues, you got 'em too)_

 _'Cause I got issues_

 _(I got)_

 _But you got 'em too_

 _So give 'em all to me_

 _(You got 'em too)_

 _And I'll give mine to you_

 _Bask in the glory_

 _(I got issues)_

 _Of all our problems_

 _'Cause we got the kind of love_

 _(You got 'em too)_

 _It takes to solve 'em_

 _Yeah, I got issues (I got)_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you (You got 'em too)_

 _Yeah, I got issues (I got issues)_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you (You got 'em too)_

 _Yeah, I got issues (I got)_

 _And one of them is how bad I need you_

the song ends and another one comes on and I hear Izzy shout something like this is my jam. I grin at her and start dancing with Jace to the song.

 _Sex with me, so amazing_

 _All this all work, no vacation_

 _Stay up off my Instagram with your temptation_

 _Hit a switch on a fake nigga like a station_

 _Sex with me, so amazing_

 _Sex with me, so amazing_

 _Vodka and water, and a lemon_

 _And a few other things I cannot mention_

jace grinds his hips into mine while his hands glide over my sides leaving shivers in there wake.

 _Ooh nana nana five fingers on it_

 _Five fingers, hit it like you want it_

 _I'ma hit it like I'm on it_

 _Straight shots of the Buddha_

 _Shots, shots, shots, shots_

 _Baby, I'ma pick your poison_

 _Ooh-we, oh-yeah (hmm a nana)_

 _You gon' need it_

 _I'm off that la-la_

 _I'ma get it real like the Jacuzzi, (oh yeah)_

 _And sex with me, so amazing_

 _All this all work, no vacation_

 _Stay up off my Instagram with your temptation_

 _Sex with me, sex with me, sex with me yeah_

 _So amazing, so amazing_

 _Hmmmm_

 _You know I got the sauce (sauce)_

 _You know I'm saucy_

 _And it's always wet_

 _A bitch never ever had to use lip gloss on it_

 _I'ma need you deeper than six, not a coffin_

 _We're not making love, tryna get nasty_

 _Grab up your drugs, that makes me happy_

 _Sex with me is amazing, with her it'll feel alright_

 _The sex doesn't get any better, make it long, let it be all night_

 _I know, I know, I make it hard to let go_

 _Tonight, all night, I'ma roll_

 _Even if I'm alone_

Jace's eyes darken again and I can't help but pull him down and kiss him hard. he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.

 _Sex with me, so amazing_

 _All this all work, no vacation_

 _Stay up off my Instagram with your temptation_

 _Hit a switch on a fake nigga like a station_

 _Sex with me so amazing, amazing, amazing hmm_

 _Sex with me_

 _So amazing_

jace carries me out of the club and out to his bike. he sets me on the bike and texts the guys to let them know we left. he revs the engine and the bike does nothing to help the aching need in my stomach and between my legs. we speed off to the motel and get there in record time. jace picks me up off the bike and I wrap my legs around his waist again. before I know it he lays me on the bed with our jackets and shoes abandoned on the floor. I tug at his shirt and his lips leave mine long enough to let me pull it off. "clary are you sure you want to do this?" he asks. I nod and he kisses me hard. my back arches and he uses that to slowly pull down the zipper of my dress. he slips it off of me and tosses it to the floor next to where I threw his shirt. I unbutton his jeans and pull down the zipper then push them off of him with my feet. he pulls down my lace black underwear and I push down his boxers. he unclasps my bra and starts massaging my breast. he kisses my neck and I kiss his back. I feel his member positioned at my entrance. "tell me to stop and ill stop" he says in a husky voice against the nape of my neck "don't stop" I moan. he thrusts into me and holy crap he's huge. I moan at the feeling of him and he gives me a moment to adjust to him. he pushes into me slowly. he picks up his speed while he kisses my neck. I moan at the overwhelming feeling in my stomach. I feel myself about to go over the edge and I can tell Jace is close too. I feel him come and I am not far behind him. I moan at the pleasure of reaching my peak and I hear him moaning as well. he rolls over to the other side of the bed and wraps his arm around my waist. he pulls me close to him and I rest my head on his chest and splay my hand over his rock hard abs. "hey Clare" Jace says. "yea?" I ask "I love you," he says. my stomach does a flip. " I love you too,"I tell him. we both grin at each other and fall asleep like that. I wake up in the middle of the night but just because its cold, not from nightmares which is strange. I slip on Jace's shirt and a pair of underwear and turn off the ac. I pull on some bike shorts and decide I need a smoke. I walk outside to find alec sitting in one of the plastic chairs. I plop down in the one next to him and light up. "so I see you and Jace took it to the next level" he says. "yeah sorry about that. I was too lazy to put on clothes" I tell him. so I assume he knows about the bruises on your stomach and that black eye" he says. _dammit. stupid nonwaterproof concealer._ I don't say anything "what happened?" he asks "valentine found me. he doesn't want me to come home so it just means I have one less problem to worry about"I tell him. "as long as your safe now" he says. "I think I am for now,"I tell him. I take a drag off my cigarette and inhale deeply "can I buy one of those of you?" he asks "yeah" I hand him the pack and a lighter and watch as the lights and inhales. he coughs hard "do you even smoke?" I ask with a giggle "nope," he says as he takes another drag. he doesn't cough this time but his eyes water a little. "figured id give it a try" he says. I smoke until I hit the filter and it burns my finger a bit the I stub it out on the ground and I and Alec walk back inside. I snuggle up to Jace and go back to a peaceful sleep. I wake up early but don't have a nightmare. I go get breakfast for everyone from four corners and when I get back the only one awake is Izzy. " I see my girl got a nice piece of ass last night," she says "sure did,"I say with a giggle as I hand her a plate of food and pull mine out of the stack of takeout containers. "so tell me was his Easter basket full?" she asks "overflowing" I tell her as I set the others food in the mini fridge. "and was it a nice basket?" she asks "hell yeah" I tell her.

 **ok so sorry this is late. I'll be posting up an extra chapter later tonight since it took me a while. this is definitely not as good as the original but I tried to get it done as quickly as possible. love you mundies.**


	10. chill nights and thriller days

**clary***

we stayed on the beach and had bonfires at night for the rest of the week until Magnus and Alec went back home to work on the bar. Izzy and Simon stayed for two extra days because Izzy said she still needed to see a few things. she and I went shopping and we all went to sand dollar island on their last day here. when they left me and Jace decided we needed a night in to chill out. we ordered pizza and watched old movies. we had some fun after that but there was no chill with that if you know what I mean. I wake up the next morning in nothing but a sheet and the room is freezing. I snuggle closer to Jace trying to find some warmth and when I do I can't help but smile. I fall asleep again and am woken up by Jace rubbing circles on my stomach. "you slept late" he says "what do you mean it's only 8:00" I say staring at the digital clock on the bedside table. "yea but you are usually up by at least six. and that's the latest I've ever seen" he says "I don't know I'm just an early bird" I say "or is it from nightmares" this catches my attention. I haven't told Jace about those. I didn't ever plan on telling him. how did he find out."how do you know about that?" I ask. "you move and mumble a lot in your sleep, I've tried waking you up but I couldn't," he said, "do you want to talk about them?" he asks "no, I haven't been having them lately and I don't want to risk bringing them back" I say "ok I understand, but if you ever change your mind then I'm right here" he says "ok. now are we going to have another chill day or are we going out?" I ask. "chilling for the day but I'm taking you out tonight," he says "oh, sounds like a plan," I say. we chill for a while and around lunch, I go for a smoke run. on the way home I run into a face, I hoped not to see, I scream and run all the way back to my bike, I start the engine and turn to see if he caught up with me but he's gone. my mind is messing with me, he was there, and now all that is in his place is a hydrant and an old woman trying to tie up her old dog. I see a couple people staring but I ignore them and ride back to the room. I open the door and lay down with a cigarette already in my mouth. I light the end and inhale. Jace being Jace can tell that something is up. "whats wrong?" he asks "nothing I'm just tired" I tell him. eventually, I start getting ready to go out and decide on a casual look. I assume I chose right when I see Jace in his normal white shirt, jeans, boots, and leather jacket. I'm decked out in my own leather jacket and light wash skinny jeans, I had on a fitted black tank top with Raf's bar logo on the front. and to top it all off I had my favorite pair of black converse. we head out and ride Jace's bike to this mystery spot. we hit Brrrberry, an ice cream shop, and then went to see a movie. I don't know which one we saw because we made out the whole time. after that, we went to dinner at Michelangelo's. I forgot telling him that this is where Seb and I hung out a lot. the theater, ice cream, and pizza were all in an outlet and me and Seb came down here a lot. in the pizza place, we both split a pepperoni slice and Jace has another because I could never eat a whole slice here. those things are huge. we head back to his bike and I see _him_ again. I am about to scream when I realize he can't really be there. I turn towards Jace to make sure I'm imagining it but he looks angry. "clary lets leave" he says. we hop on his bike and go back to the motel. we circle the block at least three times to make sure he wasn't following us. valentine is going to kill me and everyone I love. we leave next week and with how mad Jace is it might be sooner. we go inside and I immediately light up and so does Jace. "we have to leave soon. ill call Rafael and ask when he can come down" I say. Jace nods. I search for my phone and I can feel tears pricking my eyes but I force them back down. "clary I'm sorry" Jace says "it's not your fault. I should have known they would look here. we need to go home and then I'm going to go hide out somewhere" I say and I hit the call button for Rafael. it rings twice and then his voice comes through. "hello" he says "hey how soon can you get down here?" I ask "this weekend. why?" he asks "do not freak out. but Jon is down here" I tell him "what!?" he shouts. I flinch slightly but I don't care "can you come down here this weekend and help us get our stuff back home. I'm going to go hide out somewhere for a little while" I tell him "ill be down there on Saturday if you see him again call me. don't leave the room unless you absolutely have to" he says "I won't. I promise I'll see you soon" I say "ok bye" "bye". I hang up the phone and feel the tears pricking again. Jace's arms wrap around me and pull me into a sitting position on the bed. I cry into his chest and eventually, I fall asleep there in his arms. I don't know if I want to wake up because I know if he finds me that I'm going to have hell pay but when the nightmare comes I don't know if I ever want to sleep again either.

 _I feel his hands all over me and him pounding himself into me. I scream but no one comes. they never come. no one cares about me. I'm alone with him and my father. I'll never have anyone. I'm alone. forever. " look at me bitch" he demands. I force my eyes to look at his and I see nothing but darkness. "you are mine, you have no one but me, and you never will" he says and I believe every word. he cums and pulls out of me. he pulls on his boxers and that's when it all flies away and I'm back in my other hell. the whip cracks across my back and I can't help but scream in pain. another and I hit the floor. I scream again and look towards where my father should be. but it isn't him I'm looking at. it's Jon. it cracks again and then he is on top of me. he wraps the whip around my throat. I feel my own blood on my neck and then I can't breathe. I try to scream but I can't and I feel him unbuttoning my pants I try to scream more but I still cant. he pulls down his own pants and then he's inside me. I scream from the pain. it hurts more than the first time. I scream my head off and then its all gone._

I keep screaming and find myself in a corner with someone towering over me. I feel the tears fall but the screaming stops. I sit there and cry. he holds me close to his chest and I just cry more. "its ok clary its just me. I won't hurt you" he says. I force myself to stop crying and sit up. "I'm sorry. go back to sleep ill be fine I swear" I say "clary you don't have to be tough around me. I'm not going to just leave you to go to sleep" he says "I'll come with you, let's just sleep" I beg. "ok, come on" he says. we lay down and I wait for him to fall asleep. I grab the vodka and go down to the beach I take at least four shots before I can even make it down there and I blast music from my headphones into my ears.

 _I'm staring out into that vacuum again_

 _From the back porch of my mind_

 _The only thing that's alive, I'm all there is_

I'm all alone. just like he said. I have no one

 _And I start attacking my vodka_

 _Stab the ice with my straw_

 _My eyes have turned red as stoplights_

 _You seem ready to walk_

 _You know I'll call you eventually_

 _When I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible_

I'm just a lonely drunk girl who pushes everyone away. I thought I had changed but I'm still the same.

 _Cause there's this switch that gets hit_

 _And it all stops making sense_

 _And in the middle of drinks_

 _Maybe the fifth or the sixth_

 _I'm completely alone at a table of friends_

 _I feel nothing for them_

 _I feel nothing, nothing._

he is my switch. he comes back in and my whole life falls apart within seconds. I'm all alone again

 _Well I need a break from the city again_

 _I think I'll ship myself back west_

 _I've got a friend there she says,_

 _"hey anytime"_

I'm all alone. I have to hide and I have to leave my friends again and this time they can't come to visit or come with me.

 _Unless that offers expired_

 _I have been less than frequent_

 _She's under no obligation_

 _To indulge every whim_

 _And I'm so ungrateful, I take_

 _She gives and forgives and I keep forgetting it_

jace is doing everything he can and I'm just going to leave him.

 _And each morning she wakes_

 _With a dream to describe_

 _Something lovely that bloomed_

 _In her beautiful mind_

 _I say, "I'll trade you one_

 _For two nightmares of mine,_

 _I have somewhere I die,_

 _I have somewhere we all die"_

he is so positive and I'm just this darkness. I would give anything to have lived this abusive life and still be happy with him. we've been through so many similar things and I turned out a bitch.

 _I'm thinking of quitting drinking again_

 _I know I've said that a couple of times_

 _And I'm always changing my mind_

 _Well I guess I am_

 _But there's this burn in my stomach_

 _And there's this pain in my side_

 _And when I kneel at the toilet_

 _And the morning's clean light_

 _Pours in through the window_

 _Sometimes I pray I don't die_

 _I'm a goddamn hypocrite_

I'm a bitch. a horrible person and I'm so alone.

 _But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense_

 _There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live_

 _And so I do what I do, and at least I exist_

 _What could mean more than this?_

 _What would mean more, mean more?_

I guess I'll follow this mans lead and deal with it and make the most of the shit pile I call life. if I don't then the body count in NC is going to have another added to the list.

I feel the alcohol kick in and everything is moving so slow. I plop onto the sand and have another drink. I light up and inhale and let it burn. I think about him and it instantly brings tears to my eyes. I take another swig and they fall. why do I keep crying dammit? I feel someone plop beside me. "Clare, you're going to freeze to death out here," he says "good," I say blandly "you don't mean that I know you're upset, and I know it sucks, and I know you're scared. but I need you to stay strong for a little longer. can you please do that for me" he begs. "yea. let's go" I say. we head back inside and I lay down with Jace. I put my earbuds in and let the music blast in my ears again.

 _She would not show that she was afraid_

 _But being and feeling alone was too much to face_

 _Though everyone said that she was so strong_

 _What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on_

 _But she knew that she would be okay_

 _So she didn't let it get in her way_

 _Sometimes it all gets a little too much_

 _But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up_

 _And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same_

 _And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much_

 _She would always tell herself she could do this_

 _She would use no help it would be just fine_

 _But when it got hard she would lose her focus_

 _So take my hand and we'll be alright_

 _And she knew that she would be okay_

 _So she didn't let it get in her way_

 _Sometimes it all gets a little too much_

 _But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up_

 _And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same_

 _And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much, yeah_

 _A little too much, I said a little too much, oh_

 _Sometimes it all gets a little too much_

 _But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up_

 _And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same_

 _And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much yeah_

 _Sometimes it all gets a little too much_

 _But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up_

 _And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same_

 _And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much_

I feel you, Shawn. I feel you. after the song, I fall asleep. I wake up from nightmares again but I don't scream this time. it's already 7:00 so I get dressed and brush my teeth and hair. I go get breakfast and wake up Jace. we eat and then I make him get dressed. "ok get on your bike and follow me," I tell him. I lead him all the way to the place that I've wanted to go since we got here. I know I probably shouldn't go since Jon is in town and he could look here but I don't care. I have a Ruger Vaquero centerfire revolver under the seat of my Harley if I need it. valentine may not have loved me but he said I could be important one day so he made sure I was protected from people other than him. I don't know what he meant but it has come in handy a few times. I don't know why I never used it on him and Jon but I'm done hesitating. I park in the driveway and take in the sight of my old home. no one ever bought it so the yard is a mess and there are a couple of graffiti tags on the brick of it. Jace pulls up and parks behind me. "what is this place?" he asks "this is where I lived before new york. no one ever bought it so its just been sitting for 10 years. my mom left a couple months after the move and that's when Valentine went nuts. but I never forgot the address even after everything went down. it's still drilled into my brain" I say "you want to go inside" he asks "sure" I answer. we walk in and the inside is definitely better looking than the outside. the old furniture is still here because my mom wanted it all to be new when we moved. I walk around and eventually end up in my old room. my walls are still painted like a garden and my old bed is still here but is bare. my white dresser is still covered in sharpie from when I decided it needed a makeover and I and my brothers' initials are still carved in the top. I walk into the boy's room and see there bunk beds and dressers. the wood is chipped on the edge of the top bunk from where they threw things when they were arguing. I walk back into the living room and I feel satisfied and relieved that I came back here. I leave with a smile and lead Jace back to the motel. we start packing our stuff so we can just chill on the beach tomorrow and when we finish that we go get lupper. which is what I call the meal between lunch and supper. after we eat we snuggle up and watch a couple of movies and I eventually fall asleep. I don't have nightmares that night but I still wake up early. Jace and I go chill on the beach for a while and have a few beers. rafael gets here around 2 and then we leave. we get home late and I decide to crash in my halfway apartment and Jace stays too. I called Magnus and he said that he would set up a room for me in his soon to be bar. I decide to go back to work tomorrow since Jon thinks I'm in NC right now and I can't wait. I need something to distract me and work should be good. I fall asleep in Jace's arms with that thought in my mind and I don't have any nightmares. I just feel completely content. and I wake up with that feeling still and start packing my clothes and sketchbook. I wake up Jace and tell him I'm about to go take my stuff over there and that ill be back to make lunch for everyone to celebrate our return. he grunts and I take off. I drop my stuff off then head back over to Raf's. I start on hamburgers for lunch and everyone arrives soon after. I bring out the hamburgers and set them on the bar along with condiments and French fries. everyone eats and we joke and laugh for the rest of the day. I think I should be scared but I'm not. I'm just fine and I'm happy that way. at the end of the day, Jace insists on staying with me my first night at Magnus's and I don't feel like arguing. we all head over except Raf and Izzy who stay at the bar. simon got home and me, Alec, Jace, and Magnus all go to bed as soon as we get to mags' and once again no nightmares just complete peace.


	11. ghosts back to haunt me

its been two weeks since I moved to Magnus's and the nightmares came back as soon as Jace went home and they have been worse than ever before. I haven't slept for days on end because they had been so bad. Jace's foster dad came back on Wednesday and when Jace came to visit me I didn't like how I found out. I make him stay with me every night that he can and patch him up when he cant. the only thing keeping me from going over there and dragging him away is the fact that he turns 18 next month and he has a plan for when he leaves that he wants to pursue more than anything. we decided that he would move in with me when he left. well more like I demanded since he had nowhere else to go. Alec's birthday is next week and Jace's is the week after. _why is everyone's birthday so close together?_ we are having a get together at Magnus's since the first floor will be done and we can drink and dance as we please. im currently helping alec put new leather on the old couches. im sewing and stapling under it while Alec is holding the couch up enough for me to fit under. im actually surprised by how relaxed he looks. the couch has a metal frame and it is a very big couch. I was actually kind of worried before I got under here that he would drop it on me. as im putting in the final staple with the gun and I crawl out from under the couch and start sewing the velcro on for the cushions. I walk over to the second one and lift it up so Alec can staple this time. the couch is kind of heavy but I don't mind Izzy will be putting the cushions on the first one in a minute so I don't bother asking before we start the next one. alec finishes up the stapling and I lower the couch. I sew on the velcro and as im finishing the last piece Jace shows up. he struts in clad in black leather and his eye is a mess of purple, blue, and yellow. "hey alec give me a minute" I tell him. I walk over to Jace and I can see the small cut near his eye. "are you ok?" I ask "yea im fine he passed out after the black eye," he says "what about you, you look like you haven't slept in days," he says "im fine," I tell him. " I got to help alec with the rest of the couches. Izzy could use a hand with the cushions if you want to help" I tell him. I go back to Alec and crawl under the couch. im in the middle of stapling when I hear a squeal a shout and then the couch is falling. I catch it above my head and hold it up but im exhausted and I can barely hold it up. the couch gets lifted away from me and then Jace is under the couch next to me. "go sleep. Alec and I can do this" he says "im fine" I tell him "no your not. when was the last time you slept?" he asks "5 days ago" I admit. "exactly, go sleep" he begs. "fine" I cave "but I am making dinner at Raf's so I need to be up in 2 hours" I tell him. "ok ill come wake you up" he says. "ok" I crawl out from under the couch and head to my room. I plop on the bed and think about anything and everything for an hour before I fall asleep.

 _"Hey, baby sister" he whispers. im naked and tied to the bed on each corner._ I remember this. _I tug at the belts holding my arms but all it does is rub my wrists so raw they start to bleed. he crawls on top of me and pulls his jeans down far enough for him to pound himself into me. I scream in pain and tears roll down my cheeks. I feel the belts cut my ankles and him biting my shoulder. I scream and cry even more and then I hear someone else calling my name and then im gone and so is he._

"Clary. its ok, I'm right here" Jace soothes. "im sorry" I tell him "don't apologize, it's not your fault" he says "it _is_ my fault. its all my fault" I sob "don't talk like that. whatever they did was never your fault" he says. I cry into his shoulder and listen to him whisper sweet nothings in my ear. I make myself stop crying and go grab my stuff so I can go to Rafael's. "I need to go over there to start on dinner," I tell him "hey why don't I help you. you always cook for everyone by yourself" Jace says "sure you can cook the steaks since I always burn myself when I use a grill. ill do the baked potatoes the salad and the broccoli" I tell him. "ok good because I think a grill is the only thing I know how to use except a microwave" he says. I laugh and we head out to his bike followed by a giddy Magnus and a tired Izzy, Alec, and Simon. when we reach the bar everyone insists on helping me with the meal so I put Simon on steaming the broccoli and Magnus on mashing the potatoes. I put Alec on cutting the vegetables for the salad and I make Izzy help Rafael with fixing drinks for everyone because the girl cant cook for the life of her. I throw myself into helping alec with the vegetables until I have to go mix the cheese and bacon into the mashed potatoes and putting the mix into the potatoes skins and then mixing the melted cheese in with broccoli. I toss the salad and get out the dressings so everyone can pick what kind they want then I go check on the steaks with Jace. everything goes smoothly and the food is good. after we finish eating Rafael takes me upstairs. "clary, Jon was trying to find you last night out here and its starting to worry me. I want you to take this with you everywhere you go so that he cant hurt you" he says handing me a rugar lc9s. "Rafael, I already have one in the seat of my bike," I tell him "this one will fit in your purse and it isn't unmarked so you won't get in that much trouble with it," he says "fine," I tell him. I take the gun and tuck it into the waistband of my jeans. the cool metal touches my back and it actually feels comforting. after that, we both go downstairs and Magnus and I head home and Jace heads to his foster fathers. I ride with Magnus in his car and as soon as I reach the club I crash onto my bed. the next day Jace has to go to work for the first time at an auto shop and I decide to go get another tattoo this afternoon. this one is by far the biggest one and will take a few visits. it is going to cover the trips to the attic and the whore carved into my back. I reach the shop and Julian leads me to the back. "so can I get that story now since it's your third tat?" he asks. "you can" I tell him "alrighty then, but before any of that what are you getting today?" he asks. I pull out my sketch pad and flip to the page "I know its gonna take more than one visit but I've been thinking and this is it" I tell him and flip the sketchbook around to show him. "I want it to cover my whole back," I tell him "yea you weren't joking when you said it was big," he says "well let's get started and start talking red" he adds. I pull off my shirt and unhook my bra and hold it in place over my chest. I lay on my stomach and fold my hands under my chin. i here him gasp at the sight of my back. "what the hell happened red?" he asks "well when I was six my mom left me, my father and my brothers" i feel him put the temporary ink on my back "my dad was always an angry person but when she left he just got plain furious. he started beating me and my brother's a couple months after she left and he started going on more 'business trips'" I feel the needle hit my upper back and it hurts less than it did the last few times but it still hurts "we went to my grandpas a lot but it was mostly us taking care of him. he had a severe case of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and Altheimer. one night he tried to kill my oldest brother and then left. my oldest brother was unconscious and my other brother was crazy. he forced alcohol down my throat and he kept telling me he loved me more than he should. that he thought I was his. I managed to fight him off and my brother came too and got him off of me my father came back the next day and he was enraged. he dragged us home and beat us all. after about a month they figured out my grandpa had murdered 18 people and then he became Oskar Morgenstern the murderer. I started working at the bar when I was twelve first I was a bus lady then a waitress, then when I turned 15 I started as a bartender. when I was still a bus lady I had to work late one night and so when I got home my dad took me to the attic for the first time. by then Jonathan, my brother, had started "I took a pause to hold back the tears. "he had started raping me. Sebastian, my oldest brother, had moved out and wasn't keeping him away from me. I could barely walk because it was so bad the night before. I was late getting home and my father hated it so as soon as I walked through the door he started dragging me to the attic by my hair. he pulled off his belt and beat me with the metal part. me being stupid called him a bastard. he pulled out a whip and that's how I got the marks on my back for the first time. the word on my back came from Jonathan. the night Sebastian left he made sure I knew I was his. he raped me and beat me then he carved that word into my back then burned it to make sure it stuck. I couldn't believe someone could do that to a twelve-year-old. then i started thinking i deserved everything i got and more. i thought i must be the worst person to ever live. that's when i started self-harming. rafael, my boss, found out and he freaked. he helped me stop. I finally stopped completely 3 years ago. my brother did everything he could to make me think everything he did was my fault but I finally stopped believing him. last year my boss and I got extremely drunk after my shift and we slept together. it was obviously a horrible idea and he said he viewed me more as a sister. I completely agreed and we stopped anything after that. he had no clue about Jonathan and they were acquainted with each other. he accidentally let it slip that we slept together and Jonathan got furious. he cut the breaks to my bike and that's how I got the scar that you covered with the daisy chain. and now a year and a half later I have more friends than ever and im living in an apartment in Magnus's club and my boyfriend, Jace, is moving in with me in a week or so. and im getting tattoed almost everywhere by an artist as good as my mother used to be" I tell him "well im glad life has taken a good turn for you red" he says "im sorry you've had to deal with so much" he adds "don't apologize you didn't do anything" I say "well then screw your family for treating you like shit your whole life" he says. I laugh "I figured out that they aren't my family. my family is my friends, my boyfriend, and my oldest brother" I tell him. "im glad you see it that way. a lot of people who have gone through what you have would probably be strung out on drugs thinking they are alone in this world" he says "I guess I got lucky" I admit. "nope. it means your strong and stubborn" he says. I laugh. "I think I'm done with the main outlines of the top half. ill do the bottom half next time" he says. "ok. should we do Thursday or-"I trail off hoping for an answer "Thursday is good" he says. "ok" I confirm. I pay him and head back to the club. I crash on my bed but refuse to sleep. I still haven't slept except that little bit of time when Jace made me. I haven't eaten a lot and I feel like im dying. I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier and then they shoot open at the sound of a crash downstairs. I run downstairs and find Magnus trying to drag one of the corner couches to the VIP area. "Magnus why didn't you ask me for help" I question as I pick up the other end. "because I thought you finally decided to sleep instead of listening to depressing music and drinking alone every other night" he explains "if you dont like my drinking alone all you have to do is join me" I tease "oh biscuit I dont listen to depressing music" he says "I listen to drake and kanye" he adds "I listen to drake and kanye when I want to dance"I tell him "well you better be ready to dance this weekend becuase I think your boyfriend is going to want a hot birthday present for once" he says "oh maggy. my boyfriend gets hot presents every time I see him"I tease "oh really how hot are we talking here biscuit" he asks "it makes satan jealous" "biscuit you cant be jealous of your self" he says as we reach the VIP area "oh shut up" we go get to second couch and carry it to the same area then we take on the chore of dragging couches upstairs to the second VIP area that Magnus said will be specially set up for me, him, and our friends. he ordered a custom mini fridge and new furniture for our area and it sits on an indoor balcony that looks over the whole club. we pull up the second couch and the two stools that go with the couches. we go grab the mini fridge and I let Magnus set it up. I start moving the furniture around so that it sits in a decent spot. Magnus and I look at the clock and realize that it's already dinner time. we decided to order a pizza and start replacing the railing on the balcony. since Magnus doesn't know how to work power tools he just holds the new railing in place while I drill in the screws. we find that the last railing is too long so we put it away until we can get a saw, sandpaper, and finish for it. we are half way done getting in the support for the railing when the pizza gets here. I open the door and pay for it as the guy leaves I notice a familiar figure but it disappears so I choose to ignore it. we eat and finish the whole pie. magnus texts a friend of his and finds out he has a saw and sandpaper. he tells me he is going to pick it up and text me when he needs to find the finish so I can help him since he knows nothing about this stuff and I've been having to fix things at my old house for years. he slips on his fuzzy slides by the Kardashian person or something and heads out. I decide against drinking because I don't want to be handling a saw while drunk. I watch a little tv until I hear the door open. "Magnus are you back already?" I shout to him. I see a white head of hair stride into the room and im instantly on my feet running to find my purse with the gun Raf gave me. but im to slow. I managed to reach the balcony but he just shoves me off of it through the place without railing then jumps down to me landing on his feet. I feel dizzy from the fall and the air has disappeared from my lungs "who the fuck do you think you are little sister" he screams. he grabs my hair and spins me around and backhands me. my head jerks to the side and I know I would have fallen if he didn't still have my hair. "you are coming home right now" he yells. he drags me outside and towards our house that is only a few blocks away, he lets go of my hair so he doesn't draw attention but he still has my arm in a bruising grip. I try to run and beg for help but he tells people that im schizophrenic and im having a moment. he finally gets sick of me and drags me into a dark alley. I see my bike where I had parked it 2 blocks away from the bar. he pins me behind a dumpster and yanks my jeans down I kick and scream but by now everyone has reached their home or the party they were trying to find so no one can hear me. he pounds into me but I don't stop fighting. I fight harder than I ever have before and he gets fed up he drags me up onto my knees and tries to put his cock in my mouth. I won't let him do this. I scream and try to punch him but he pins my arms against the wall of the ally and shoves his member into my mouth. I choke and gag as he pounds into my face. I bite down hard and taste blood in my mouth. he screams in pain and I take off to my bike. I grab the gun from my seat and shove it into the waistband of my jeans. and attempt to escape on my bike having the gun only as a precaution. I cant start my bike in time so I am dragged back into the ally. I can't stand so the skin on my back is being slowly scraped away by the cement. someone sees us but they completely ignore us not wanting to get involved. I am thrown into the ally wall and he is trying to pin me to the floor again. he does so but I cant get the gun because he pins my hands above my head. he pounds into me for what feels like forever. I hear his moaning get louder and my screams and crying do the same. I feel him come inside me and I think I want to use that gun on myself instead. he gets up and starts buttoning his jeans but I don't give him the chance. I pull the gun from my waistband and pull back the hammer. I pull the trigger and the next thing I see is a hole in his head. I sit there for a few minutes trying to register the fact that I just killed my brother. eventually I see a pair of sparkly skinny jeans passing by the ally and I start crying again. magnus, of course, hears this and looks at me. "oh my god" he gasps. he is immediately by my side trying to get me up but I cringe away. "biscuit you need to stand up. we need to get out of here now before someone sees this" I pull myself together and think back to something Valentine taught me that I never thought I would need to know or want to know but right now it is the most useful thing I've ever heard. " I need to make sure this shit doesn't get traced back to me. please help me" I beg. "ok tell me. what we need to do" Magnus says and his voice implies that we need to go fast. " I hate to ask you this but...my DNA cant be on him" I try. "oh god clary. ok, I will take care of the body you get rid of the gun and get home. im calling Jace to meet you there" he says "no he cant know anything about this. I will go home and I will be ok until you get back. but how are you going to get rid of the body?" I ask "I know someone who specializes in this kind of thing. im going to call him. he owes me more than a few things anyway" he says "ok" I walk away and put the gun in my seat again. I don't bother with my helmet so I just drive to a place I can get rid of this thing. I pull up to the club and go to the lot clearing beside it. I grab a shovel and dig out a deep fucking hole. by the time im done it is waist deep for someone my size and only big enough for the gun. I empty the chamber and throw the gun in. I cover the hole back up and start on another for the bullets.it's not as deep as the other hole but its deep enough. I throw in the bullets and the extra ones I had for the gun. I go back to the club and I can still feel my head pounding from the fall and im pretty sure I have a broken rib. I gingerly sit on the couch and start crying I am replaying the night in my head and immediately call Magnus. "mags I need you to pick up a morning-after pill for me before you come back" I sob "oh biscuit. ill pick it up on my way home. I should be back soon they just picked up the body they are going to handle it" "ok. please hurry home I don't want to be alone" I sob "im coming. im going into the drug store now so im going to hang up and I should be home in a few" "ok" I sob once again. I hang up and cry into the pillow. I hear the door open and am immediately on my feet in a panic. "it's just me, biscuit" he soothes. I calm down and start sobbing again. he sits me down and rubs comforting circle on my back. "we aren't ever telling a living soul about this. not alec. not Izzy. not Raf. not Simon. and definitely not Jace " I tell him "I promise I won't say a word about any of it," he says "I need that pill," I say. he hands the package to me and I dry swallow it as soon as I pop it out and then I sob into Magnus's shoulder until I accidentally fall asleep. I don't bother caring. none of it was worse than tonight. he has hurt me so much worse before but tonight broke me. the only thing I see while I sleep is the bullet cracking into his skull and feeling a huge weight leave me as soon as it leaves the other side of his head. I _hope he has a special place in hell forever_


	12. chapter 11

J **ace***

clary has not talked to me since the day after we were setting up the club. now that I think about it Magnus hasn't either. I've tried calling her and texting her and I've tried to get a hold of Magnus so he could tell me that she's ok but they haven't answered. I should see them a tomorrow night for me and alec's party that Magnus insisted on throwing and im trying to make sure everything will be ready for when I leave. my foster dad is coming back the day of my birthday and he has no idea whats coming. I've been packing my stuff and im suppose to take it all over to the club when I go to the party. I sprawl out onto my bed and decide that I need to get some sleep. I wake up the next morning and text Magnus saying that im coming over to help set up for the party.

 _'no its going to be a surprise' -m_

 _'well can you at least tell me why you and clary have been ignoring me' -_ j

I don't get an answer so I decided that that ill just wait until the party.

 **clary***

I have been ignoring Jace. I cant talk to him right now. I haven't slept since that night. I woke up screaming the next morning and crying. im scared for the party. I don't know if I'll is able to give Jace anything special for his birthday. I don't know if I can do anything. I can feel an ache in my chest all the time and I can't take it anymore. I try to think about the fact that he can't hurt me anymore. _he's dead. I shot him. it's over. valentine doesn't want me home and the only person that did is gone. I don't have to go back. I never have to go back._

 **jace***

I can't stop thinking about clary. im starting to worry. magnus didn't answer me when I asked if she was ok and it's not like either of them to ignore any of us. apparently, he hasn't talked to alec or Izzy either. clary hasn't talked to any of us either including Simon which is really weird. I need to talk to her now. I grab my shit and ride to the club. I make it there in record time and im surprised I didn't get pulled. I burst into the door feeling the rage bubbling up and all I hear is clary scream and Magnus running from upstairs. I rush to clary and wrap my arms around her and see Magnus enter the room. "what were you thinking when you came up in here like a fucking animal" he shouts and I feel clary tense. what the hell happened to make her start reacting to everything like this again. I make a shushing face telling him that he is making her more upset and he instantly regrets his outburst but I have no doubt that he knows what happened and was just being protective. I pick clary up off the floor and sit us both on the couch. she has stopped crying and feels less tense. "clary what happened?" I ask soothingly but still stern. she looks up to Magnus and I can see them communicating with there eyes silently. magnus nods his head and clary sighs. "Jonathan found me," she says. I immediately feel something more than rage coursing through me but I keep calm for clary's sake. I swear I will find him and kill him if he touched her again. I nod reassuringly to tell her that she can keep going. that I won't get angry and I won't judge her. "he came through the door and started yelling so I ran upstairs trying to find a way to get him out of here" she says. well, that explains why she freaked when I almost busted the door down. "he threw me off the balcony then got back down here and said I was coming home. he beat me and then dragged me outside. we only lived a couple blocks from here and there was hardly anybody outside and anybody that saw us ignored us and whoever didn't he told them that I was having a schizophrenic episode. eventually, he got sick of me screaming and hitting him that he dragged me into an ally" she chokes a little and I know what happened. "he...he hurt me again and it was way worse than the last times. I managed to get away long enough that I could get to my bike. we had only gotten to about a half a block away from the club and my bike was parked around the corner of the ally. I grabbed the gun that I kept under the seat and tried to run after I put it in the waistband of my jeans. he grabbed me again and dragged me back to the ally. he hurt me again and I couldn't get the gun because he had me pinned to the cement. when he was done he got up and looked away. I couldn't go back to that place and I couldn't let him hurt me again so I shot him" she said. I see a mixture of regret and relief in her tears rimmed eyes. her cheeks were covered in her tears and then I noticed the busted lip and the small bruises covering her arms and the few on her cheeks. I can only imagine the rest of her. I swear if the bastard wasn't already dead id kill him. "Magnus found me in the ally and we made sure no one could trace it back to me and then you called the next morning and I just couldn't talk to you and not tell you everything and I didn't want to just dump all of my shit on you and I was embarrassed and I felt like a dirty whore and I felt like i I shouldnt even try talking to someone I dont deserve and so I just started ignoring you and I made magnus swear not to tell anybody and im so sorry" she says. I can't believe she thinks that way about herself. I hold her and let her cry more. I should have been here keeping her safe. but I wasn't and swear I will try to make that up to her for the rest of my godforsaken life "clary you are nothing like you thought. you are amazing and if anything I don't deserve you.

 **clary***

jace seems like he is angry but he is obviously trying to keep his cool for my sake. when I stop crying we start setting up for the party and then Jace and I went to take a nap before the party started. I feel safe in his arms but also nervous. jonathan used to hold me like this when he was done with me but I never felt even remotely safe when he held me. I feel almost completely safe with Jace and now that Jonathan is dead I feel even safer. I hate to think that but he was my personal hell for years and now he's dead and he can't hurt me anymore. I eventually fall asleep to those thoughts and the nightmare isn't terrible as usual but they aren't fun either.

 _"you thought you could kill me, Clarissa," he says "well you were wrong" he adds. he throws me to the ground and kicks me repeatedly he starts punching me and slapping me and then drags me back up by my hair. there are no walls or doors or anything its just empty black but he manages to pin me to something and slam my head into it multiple times. he throws me to the ground again and starts to unbutton my pants. I scream my head off and then the blackness and he is gone_

"Clary. its ok it was just a dream" Jace says. I don't let tears fall but I know ill probably lock myself in the bathroom later and let them flow. "you ok?" he asks "nevermind. you're not ok. why don't we skip the party and stay in here" he says "no Jace im fine. it was just a nightmare. I don't want you to miss your birthday party. especially not for something this stupid. I promise im fine" I tell him and we go out into the main area where the party is starting. I can't wait to give Jace his not sexy present since I don't think I can give him a sexy one I went a got him something that I think he will like. we all start drinking and dancing. at the end of the night we give Jace and Alec the gifts and then I start getting nervous that he won't like it. he opens it up and the first thing he does is grin and then he hugs me tight. "this is amazing" he says. I look at the picture I gave him. it's all black and white except for our eyes and hair. its a slightly far away picture of us sitting on the beach in NC holding hands and smiling. you can only see one side of our faces because we are facing each other and just gazing into each other's eyes. everyone looks at the drawing and they all love it. alec starts opening his gifts and when he reaches the one from his sister he confused. he pulls a slip of paper from a little box and he looks like he's trying to put something together. "that is the address of max's current foster home" Izzy says. "you found him?" alec asks sounding shocked "yea" she says with tears in her eyes. "holy shit" he says and hugs Izzy with bone-crushing force. Izzy told me about max at one point but the way she talked it sounded like he had died but I guess when she said gone she meant that they didn't know where he was. they both look like the happiest people ever. when all the gifts are open and everyone is done eating we all decide to sleep here tonight. jace and I went to my room and we crashed onto the bed. jace held me like he did earlier and when I tried to kiss him he wouldn't let me push myself to do anything I didn't want to. "I don't need a sexy gift or anything like that. I am happy just sleeping right here with you in my arms" he said. "I love you," he says. I am shocked. how do I know he's not just saying it because of the alcohol. "and im not just saying that. I really love you" he says as if he could read my mind " I love you too,"I tell him. he grins the biggest fan I've ever seen and kisses my forehead. we fall asleep in each other's arms. when we wake up we don't move except to go get some breakfast and then he has to go home that night so he can pack some more. I lay in bed and think about him until I eventually fall asleep again.

 **jace***

I am walking home because if I pull up on my bike the neighbors will tell my foster dad about me getting home at this time. I decide to stop and climb onto the roof of Raf's place I look over the city and I spot a white head of hair that looks angry and he starts banging on Raf's door. I walk downstairs to where Raf is at and see him open the door. "Valentine, what are you doing here?" Raf asks and im ready to rip someone's lungs out. "where is my daughter. I know that Jonathan found her and I know she's the reason he disappeared" he shouts "hey man no need to yell. clarissa isn't here" I tell him knowing he would suspect something if I said, Clary. " I know she is. I bet your the one who has been messing with her and the reason my son is gone" he yells and then he's coming after me. "he lands a punch on my nose but im not about to let him find clary. I punch him in the nose and then Rafael is by my side holding me back. valentine start beating Raf and then he pulls a knife. the next thing I know im on top of him and he trying to slit my throat grab the knife from his hands and sling it across the room. I get pulled off of the floor and then me and Rafael are hitting valentine and he is doing surprisingly well. I see him pull another knife as I land a punch on his face. the knife flies out of his hand and his head hit the beer tap. his body doesn't move and all I can focus on is the metal beer tap halfway in his head. "shit we gotta call Magnus" I say after about 10 minutes of silence. "call him and tell him to hurry" Rafael says "we cant tell clary she will blame herself" I tell him "im not going to argue with that" he says. I call Magnus and he comes over with a crew of guys who clean up everything and take the body to get rid of it. "how are you going to get rid of everything?" Rafael asks "acid," Magnus says "you guys are so dead," one guy from the crew says "why?" I ask "because Valentine was the leader of one of the biggest gangs in new york," says Rafael. "and now that he and his son are both dead that means that clary will be sent for to take over because of their 'disappearance'" Rafael explains "why not Sebastian?" I aks "because he was exiled. that's why he left new york" Rafael says "shit" says Magnus "how long until someone sends for her?" he asks "it will probably be around three days until they decide to take that measure and probably another to track her down unless you guys want me to go ahead and tell the gang that he's dead and I know where she is" Rafael says "no shes got a lot going on. give her a few days of normal" I tell them. "ok" Magnus and Rafael say at the same time. I decide that I can pack later and that I should go spend time with clary "by the way Jace. if this changes the way you feel about her then don't go near her don't text don't call just leave. don't tell her that you don't want her because it will crush her more to hear that than it would if you just disappeared" Rafael says "it changes nothing. I still love her and I don't plan on leaving until I die. if anything it kind of makes her sexier if that's even possible" I say with a smirk. he chuckles "alright. now everybody out I need sleep and so do the rest of you people" he says. we all leave and I and Magnus walk back to the club. when we get there I go to the club room and hold her as I fall asleep. I can't believe all the shit that keeps going down. it's crazy. but as long as I have her I don't give a damn.


	13. gang gang

**jace***

its been two days since the incident with Valentine and I have spent them both with Clary. we packed at my house some and she insisted on cooking every meal for everyone. so every day we all go to the bar and clary cooks while we watch tv because she refuses to let us help her. clary is definitely doing better. at one point she tried to make out with me and I politely told her that she didn't have to but she said that she was going to make out with her boyfriend whether I liked it or not. rafael said the gang is deciding tomorrow whether they should keep waiting for him. he said that if they decide to keep waiting that he's going to tell them that he is dead because if they don't have clary as the leader then they will trace it back to me and probably kill me. he eventually admitted that he used to be a member of the gang but was let go when he promised to keep valentine's secret. I get broken from my thoughts when clary leaves the bathroom and crashes onto the bed next to me. we are currently at my house because Magnus has no hot water at the moment so we shower over here. she has on my t-shirt and a pair of black, lace underwear. I have to admit she looks sexy as hell but I'm not going to push her unless she wants to. we start packing some more after I force clary to put on some pants. we are joking around and laughing until I hear the front door open. I make clary hide in the closet while I handle this. I walk into the living room to find Michael looking partially drunk. he throws a beer bottle as soon as he sees me but misses by barely an inch. " I thought you were coming back on Friday," I tell him "I had to come back early but I'm leaving this afternoon. go get me a beer you piece of shit" he says. I do as he says but only so clary doesn't have to hear him beating the shit out of me. he walks towards his bedroom and I suddenly feel like the biggest idiot ever when he passes my room and sees my bags. "where do you think you are going" he shouts he throws the beer bottle at me and I duck but hit the floor in the process. he starts kicking me and when I see him about to hit me with a glass statue he suddenly falls to the floor. in his place stands a five foot two redhead holding a baseball bat. "holy shit are you ok?" she asks "yea I'm fine. damn red if I had known you could swing a bat like that I would have taken you to the field" I tell her "stop joking and let me look at you" she says " she lifts up my shirt and glances over the forming bruises. she applies pressure to each of my ribs to check for a break then looks at my bloody lip and nose "come on let's get your stuff and leave so I can clean that up at Magnus'" she says "ok go ahead I'm going to get his money" I tell her "ok" she goes to my room and gets the only two bags of clothes I grab Michaels wallet and grab the wad of cash he keeps in his top dresser drawer and the one he keeps in his bathroom. I grab my small bag of a picture of my old family and will and Tessa and the few books I got over the years along with the letters and postcards I get from Tessa and shove the money in there. we manage to carry my stuff on our bikes and when we reach Magnus' clary forces me into the bathroom and starts cleaning my face with a washcloth. she puts two butterfly band-aids on the small cut on my cheek and then she sits us both on the bed in her room. rafael said that I have to tell her about Valentine before the gang comes to get her and I have been trying to find a way to say it. "hey we need to leave for Rafael's in about 45 minutes" she says "ok but I need to talk to you about something first" I tell her. I need to tell her now so she can be prepared "what is it?" she asks "um. valentine came looking for you at the bar the other night" I admit "holy shit how do you know?" she asks "I was there" I admit "and he started yelling and Rafael and I tried to get him to leave. a fight broke out and I pushed valentine and he hit his head on a beer tap" I tell her "he didn't make it" I admit "so he's dead?" she asks. I nod my head. she nods again and she looks conflicted. "ok is that it?" she asks. I shake my head and dread my next few words "apparently Valentine was the leader of the biggest gang in new york and apparently Sebastian was kicked out and since Jonathan and he are dead they need a new leader and its suppose to go to the next person in the bloodline" I tell her "so it's going to me?" she asks "but I can't lead a gang I don't know anything about it" she says "I know I'm sorry" I tell her "he said I would be important but this is not what he could have meant" she says "I'm sorry" that's all I can say. I can't speak another word "dammit" she says as she crashes onto the bed and cries "its ok" I say as I hug her to myself. she cries in my arms for the rest of our free time. when she is done she forces me and her to go over to Rafael's to cook lunch for everyone. she makes me drive us over there and then makes hamburgers for us and then we all sit and watch tv. we decide that Rafael will stay closed tonight and we will all hang out and drink. clary eats and then goes to take a nap upstairs. I go with her and I choose not to sleep so I can stop her nightmares before they start getting bad. I hate it when she has them because that is something I can never protect her from.

 **clary***

 _I was in my backyard with my gun that Valentine gave me in my hands aimed at a bird sitting in the old tree behind my house. "now fire" he said. the bird moved at the sound of his voice but I was not going to get a trip to the attic because of a stupid bird. I followed it and then I shot it from the sky. my hands moved from the kick of the gun and I almost hit myself in the face._ _the bird hit the ground and Valentine had a grin on his face "good. now shoot the other bird" he said. I aimed and shot and I was ready for the kick this time so the gun didn't move and the bird fell from the tree. "good. you will be important one-day Clarrissa. so I can't have you dying" he said_ _and then he left._

I shot up in bed from my sleep and Jace was immediately there. "you ok?" he asked "yea just a weird dream" I said "I need to go start on dinner" I told him. I went to the kitchen and made pork chops and passed out plates to everyone. we ate and drank for a while and I just sat back and chugged a pint of vodka. when I came up short with the bottle I went to get another and stumbled the whole way. I sat back down and started drinking another pint. I took it slower because Jace was watching me. when I was halfway done I was lifted from my seat and was in someone's arms. I looked up to find Jace. " what are you doing?" I ask. "we are dancing," he said. I noticed that everyone was slow dancing with their partners except Rafael who was just laughing at me and Jace. Jace put me on my feet and began leading me in a slow dance to one of my favorite songs. _if the brakeman turns my way by bright eyes._ "whats wrong?" he asked "nothing. why?" I slur. "because you are drunk off your ass and it's only 10:30," he says "its nothing," I tell him. " it's not nothing," he says. I sigh in defeat. " it's just", I sigh again. " I can't get any of it out of my head. I mean. jonathan came and hurt me and now he is dead. valentine came after you and now he is dead. I don't know if I should be happy or upset" I admit "why can't you feel both?" he asks "because feeling both is too confusing. it's too damn much" I tell him "hey look at me," he says "you are too strong to let this get the best of you," he says "I won't let this get the best of you. I will help you the whole way" he says "I don't care if you are the scariest gang leader to ever live. I will still love you" he says "I love you too," I tell him. he picks me up as the song ends and he lays me on the bed and then lies down beside me. I snuggle up to his chest and his arms wrap around me. we fall asleep like that and it makes me feel more clarity and love that I have ever felt before.

 **jace***

I wake up with clary in my arms and a small headache. I know she will feel a lot worse. I gently roll away from her and grab a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water. I set it on the table next to her side of the bed and then crawl back in next to her and wrap my arms around her again. I feel my eyelids get heavy and notice that it's still dark out. I dropped out of school so I don't have to worry about that so I just go back to sleep.

 **clary***

 _my father and brother stand in front of me and only Jonathan has the usual evil grin on his face he lunges for me but is cut short. I see Valentine throw his son into a deep darkness and turn back to me. " Clarissa. I was definitely not the best father but I still loved you. I'm sorry for letting your brother hurt you. I only ever wanted you to be able to survive this cold world. its ripped too much from the both of us and that is not an excuse. don't let anyone hurt you again and don't let anyone gets torn from you like your mother" he said "you will have people that you will grow to love and will want to protect them with your life. you will kill for them. you will steal from them. and you won't want to take back any of it if it means they end up ok do you understand me?" he asks. I nod my head and then he disappeared. I sit in the darkness crying my eyes out and I don't bother waking up from this dream its the best one I've had considering all the others were my worst nightmares._

 **jace***

I hear clary sobbing and I immediately try to wake her. she jolts awake and the tears instantly stop. she wipes the remaining ones away and snuggles into my chest. "did I wake you up?" she asks "no" I lie. "liar" she says. "I was awake earlier and I didn't go back to sleep all the way," I tell her. "ok," she says. "so the meetings going down today right?" she asks. I told her about it at dinner last night and she seemed to calm down a little bit after that until she started drinking. "yea. rafael said that depending on how it goes down they will either come to find you today or tomorrow" I tell her "will you stay with me?" she asks "I wouldn't go anywhere else" I tell her she snuggles deeper into my chest and we lay there for a while. I play with her wild curls and she seems a lot better than she did last night. "I've got to go make breakfast," she says. I think that's her way of distracting herself. "ill come to help you" I tell her. "fine but you cook the bacon and that's it" she says. "but only because I hate the grease popping all over me" she adds. I follow her to the kitchen and start on the bacon. she finishes the sausage and eggs around the same time I finish the bacon. she decides to make toaster waffles because she says its too messy to make the good ones. she puts everything on serving plates and puts them on the large coffee table in the VIP room we always eat and hang out in. she goes to start a pot of coffee while I grab plates, napkins, forks, and knives. she leaves the kitchen with the pot in one hand and a bottle of syrup in the other. while she attempts to put that on the already full table Simon comes out of the hall and plops onto the sofa. he fixes his plate and starts eating claiming he needs to rid himself of his nasty hangover. I went to mine and clary's room to put on a shirt for breakfast and notice that Clary didn't take the painkillers so I know she must feel like pure shit. I grab them and get two of them from the bottle. I bring them out to her and she gladly dry swallows them. we both plop onto the couch and fix a plate of food. Izzy and Rafael come from the hall and do the same. " I feel like shit," Izzy says "well dizzy Izzy made an appearance last night what did you expect," Magnus says he enters the VIP area. we all laugh and continue eating. magnus fixes himself and alec a plate knowing the man will be here shortly. alec eventually plops himself onto the couch and we all eat while watching some reality tv show. "so Raf what all is going down today" clary asks as she starts stacking empty plates to be brought to the kitchen sink "well the gang is going to have a meeting and if they think they should keep waiting for valentine, which is probably what will happen, then I'm going to tell a trusted member to let them know he is dead. when he tells them then they will start by going around town asking who has seen you lately. they are probably going to start here since this is where you work. I'm going to tell them where you are and someone will come to pick you up" he says "wait what is going on?" Izzy asks "apparently I have inherited a gang," Clary says. "how?" alec asks "Valentine and Jonathan are dead and Sebastian was kicked out of this gang a long time ago" clary explains "how did they die?" asks Simon. clary goes silent. magnus looks to her questioningly. she nods and Magnus sighs. "Jonathan broke into the club and he hurt clary. clary shot him in self-defense" Magnus explains "oh my god" Izzy says. I see tears form in her eyes "when did this happen?" Simon asks "what about Valentine?" alec asks. "it happened the other night," Clary said. "Valentine happened three nights ago" I explained "he broke in here and a fight broke out. he hit his head and died" I told them "why didn't you tell us?" Izzy asks clary. "I was embarrassed and I only found out about Valentine yesterday. it was a need to know thing" she said "oh my gosh Clare I'm so sorry" Izzy said as she skooched closer to clary and wrapped her arms around her "so what are you going to do about the gang?" alec asks "run it" Clary said nonchalantly. "girl its ok we will still love you even if i have to bury a body" Izzy says. "thanks girl. i love you guys too"


	14. gang meetings

I went back to bed after the conversation with Rafael. Jace crawled in next to me and I slept until that afternoon when Rafael said he was sending in his man to inform the gang on Valentine's demise. I go back to sleep until I hear a knock downstairs. I go and crouch behind a wall on the stairs and listen in on Rafael and someone else's conversation. "wassup man" the dark-haired guy says "nothing much man hows it been going" Rafael asks "not too good. actually, that's why im here" the guys says "what's going on" asks Rafael. "Valentine and Jonathan were reported dead this afternoon and we were told this was were the next in line would be," the guy says "oh man that sucks but yeah shes upstairs. um, she doesn't know a lot about this do you mind if I go get her" Rafael says. after that, I dart up the stairs and sit on the landing. rafael and the other guy are in front of me. im kind of embarrassed because of the fact that im only in an old gray wife beater and my underwear. "hey clary" the dark-haired guy says. I recognize him now that he's not out of the dark doorway. "hey Jordan" I respond "listen clary Jordan is going to take you to talk to the gang that your dad ran" he says "you can trust this guy stick with him and you'll be fine" Rafael says "why you instead of the others" I ask Jordan "I never really liked your dad or your brother. no offense" he says "don't worry I didn't like them either" I tell him. " I kind of figured you wouldn't," he says. "we have to hurry so can you run upstairs and put some pants on. don't put on the usual gaming t-shirt. nobody respects a nerd" he teases "but for real id just stick with the wife beater. that and the tattoos look pretty badass," he says "oh and brings a gun" he adds. I grin and run upstairs to put on some skinny jeans and my combat boots. I tuck the gun into the waistband of my jeans and feel the cool metal against my back. I go back downstairs and walk with Jordan out to his bike. he tells me to get on and neither of us bothers with helmets. he takes off and eventually we end up at a warehouse. we go inside and all eyes are on me. "hold on. this four-foot redhead is supposed to run the gang" says a voice that's easy to recognize. "I may be short but my Harley is still bigger than yours," I say to the dark head of hair. "I bet mine runs faster though," he says "I proved it didn't even after I wrecked mine" I laugh "come here red. give the old bat a hug" the man says and wraps his big arms around me. "now it would have been lovely to know that you were valentines daughter before I went and lost $200" he says. "well i think if I can make two hundred bucks off of a dumbass I don't have to tell him anything" I laugh "well I'd love to talk about my losing streak but we have business" he says. "alright what's going down?" I ask the crowd of people. I know a lot of them but a few of them are new faces. "well I think you have been informed you are the new leader so we need to get you filled in and then discuss what we need to do next in certain areas" says an old friend of mine called freaky Pete. "alright lets get started". jordan sits me down at the head of the table and stands behind my right shoulder. rafael told me that means that he is kind of like my bodyguard. "well we were working on bringing in a gun shipment before valentine passed but we still don't know where we need to meet up. the last spot got compromised by another gang located there. and we lost a man so we need to pick a new one" said Pangborn. "where are they bringing it in from?" I ask "going by water from Maine," bat says. "where was the original place?" I ask "in Massachusetts," Pete says." where does this other gang pick up?" I ask "New Hampshire," Jordan says "so why don't we try the docks in Rhode Island. it's a little closer to home and it's out of state for them" I suggest "we would have to take back roads obviously but its still a shorter ride and there aren't any big gangs around the docks" bat says "why didn't we make her our leader sooner" says a guy I don't know. "ok so now we need to talk about how we are going to deal with Hodge" says Pangborn "why do we need to deal this guy" I ask "he is the one who tipped off the other gang and shot brother Jeremiah" bat says "if he killed one of our own shouldn't we give him the same punishment?" I ask "we plan on that but we can't get some important information out of him," says Pete "whats the information?" I ask "this gang is planning an attack but we don't know when or where," says another guy I don't know "are there any important things going on right now. a specific shipment. a party" "yea we have a few that's why we can't just guess when it will be" Jordan says "where is he?" I ask "downstairs" bat says "Jordan let me talk to him," I say. the men start grinning and Jordan leads me downstairs. we walk into a dirty cement room and I see the man in question tied to a chair. "so it doesn't look like you've got him to bad off. have you tried threatening his life?" I ask. I don't know why I am willing to do what im about to do but I feel a need to protect these people and the others who affiliate with the gang so im willing to put a cap in his ass. "we wanted to go easy considering he was one of us" he said "well the key word there is 'was'" I tell him. "Hodge right?" I ask. the man looks at me with hatred. his eye is black and his face is bloody. "so im going to give you one chance to tell me when and where this attack is going down and then im going to put a bullet in your head" I tell him "oh baby. no sweet little thing like yourself could handle a gun" he says. for some reason, I get very angry about this. I laugh at his statement then pull out my pistol and shoot his right shoulder. he screams in pain. I grin trying to scare him. "now one more chance and then I'll show you what a sweet little thing like me will do to a little man like you," I say crouching down in front of him and putting the barrel of my gun on his manhood "oh look mines bigger than yours" I say with an evil grin as a show off my gun then put it back in its position "fine. the anniversary party at the gang's community home. it's in two weeks" he says. "what time?" I demand "10 pm," he says. "how many men are coming?" I ask "7" I grin "good boy," I say "you want to take care of this mess Jordan?" I ask wickedly "my pleasure," he says. "ok im going to go let everyone know and figure out how to handle it. have fun" I say and strut back upstairs. "the attack was planned to go down at the anniversary party in two weeks at the community home," I tell them "what time?" asks bat "10 pm," I say, "I think we should move the party to a different location and send a few men out to handle the attack" I say "how?" asks Pangborn. "10 men all armed wait inside. make it seems like we are having the party and be waiting for them" I say "how do we know we won't be outnumbered" asks bat "they are sending in seven men" I say "what about clean up?" asks Pete. "do we not have people for that?" I ask "we did until Rafael left," Jordan says as he walks back to his position behind me "I'll see what I can do. if worst comes to worst we will have to clean up ourselves," I say "we don't know how" bat says "I do" I tell him. "my father didn't teach you guys to shit" I laugh. "he taught us a few things but you are right he didn't teach us some of the important shit" Pete says "what did he teach you?" I ask "he taught me how to shoot," bat says "taught me how to ride a Harley," Jordan says "taught me how to fight," Pete says "im not going to say what he taught me," said uncle Malachi "I am too old for your father to teach me anything" says a voice I have not heard in years. "grandpa?" I ask. **(her mother's father)** "how you been, baby girl?" he asks stretching his arms out for a hug. I hesitate for a moment looking at his pants. he looks down and notices what im looking at. he pulls a gun from his waistband and tosses it on the table. "sorry about that" he says. I run up and hug him and I instantly feel closer to home. "I heard about Valentine and I came down here to check on you," he says. "your grandpa Oskar and I always said you would end up being the leader of this pack of animals," he says with a laugh. everyone laughs along. "she's doing a damn good job so far," says uncle Malachi. "well why don't you guys take a break from the big stuff and let me talk to my only granddaughter?" asks my grandpa "we all need a beer anyway" says bat "no all of you need to figure out how you became a four-foot redheads, little bitch" says Jordan with a laugh "says her new lap dog" says Pete with a grin "actually he's her guard dog" says bat chuckling. "at least im not a bitch" Jordan says with a laugh. they all head to the bar room and grandpa and I follow. I grab us both a beer and we talk about the updates on our lives "so your mother told me that she heard from a friend that Valentine and Jonathan were hurting you" says grandpa "what did they do to you Clarrissa?" he asks "I go by clary now" I say trying to change the subject "I like that. but quit trying to change the subject" he says. I sigh in annoyance. "Valentine got violent after mom left. jonathan was just" I sip my beer not wanting to talk about Jonathan. "what did he do clary" my grandpa pushes "he hurt me in ways that id prefer not to talk about with his grandfather," I say "clary," he says sternly "he raped me," I say slightly lower than my normal voice. I sip my beer and stare at the wall. "when?" asked my grandpa "it depends which time you are talking about" I say giving him the hint that it happened more than once. "how long was this going on for?" he asks "a few years" I admit. "why didn't you come to me?" he asks "I tried once but then grandpa Oskar got sick and I needed to help take care of him plus Jonathan hadn't started in on it yet" I say "im sorry I didn't help you" he says "you didn't know. no one knew until a few months ago" I tell him. "who all knows?" he asks "Rafael, my close friends, and my boyfriend" I tell him "boyfriend?" he questions "yep" I say popping the 'p' "can I meet him?" he asks. "maybe. how long are you going to be in town?" I ask. " I leave tomorrow afternoon" he answers. "well why don't you follow me home tonight and ill introduce you" I suggest "yea that'ed be great," he says. we finish our beers and sit back down at the long wooden table in the meeting room. "so what else is happening?" I ask. "we need you to bring something for the party" bat says. "any suggestions?" I ask. "booze," everyone says in unison. I laugh "well this is gonna be fun. is that everything" I ask they all nod. "alright then" I get up from the chair but I am immediately sat back down by Jordan. I see my grandpa grinning "bang the hammer" bat says with a wicked grin. I pick it up and bang it firmly on the table with a grin. they all hoop and holler and then we all head home after saying goodbyes. grandpa follows me to the bar and as we enter the VIP area after making it through the crowded floor everyone looks completely confused "Everyone, meet grandpa" I say knowing damn well this is going to scare the shit out of them.


	15. suicidal bitches

**clary**

as I thought they all backed away slowly and Simon looked as though he had pissed himself. "not the murderous one" I assure them. they all sigh with relief "well" grandpa says "grandpa don't scare the kids they don't need to know everything" I said "let's just say I'm the one that didn't get caught" grandpa says. they all looked nervous "guys he's kidding" I lied. I knew my grandpa didn't follow the law and when I saw him walk into the meeting room I knew that he had probably done worse than I originally thought but they didn't need to know that. I see my grandpa smirk. everyone seemed to relax a bit but I knew they were still nervous. "this is my mother's father" I told them "he's harmless. just try not to piss him off" I tell them. "before we establish that everyone is safe, which one is the boyfriend?" my grandpa asked "you are definitely not allowed to hurt that one" I say sternly "but he's the blonde one" I say "well at least you picked the attractive one" he said "I've been trying to tell her that since we got together" Jace said they both laugh as I roll my eyes "I'm deeply offended" Magnus says "your still good looking but I can tell by the glittery pink skinny jeans that you probably don't play for my granddaughters team" grandpa said "actually he swings for both but he's dating alec" I say pointing to the man. "now that's a very cute couple" grandpa says. he was actually being serious. grandpa has always been very accepting of everyone. "so I'm assuming that the nerdy looking kid and the hot one are together" grandpa says "well you'll have to ask them" I say. both of them blush a deep red. "so Rafael you still haven't found you an old lady yet?" grandpa asks "well I tried for your granddaughter but shes kind of young" Rafael half-joked. I got a glare at him and went and sat next to Jace. he pulled me into his lap. "so none of your friends are in the gang?" grandpa asks "not really. rafael left but I have a couple of old friends at the table" I tell him. "well I'll go ahead and say that you should make friends with all of them if you want to run it right" he says "I'll try" I lie. I'm perfectly fine with the friends I have. "I personally think your boy toy would be a fine addition to the MC" grandpa says. "I don't think so," I say sternly "I'm hurt Clare," Jace says "I have actually been a part of a gang before," he says "really?" I ask "Nah but I did help some guys from one steal a few cars for a while but then I got put in Wayland's household," he says "well maybe you would make a good addition" I joke "I would actually be very glad to join my lovely girlfriend at her new occupation" he says "well I would be glad to have you" I tell him. he grins at that and I grin back. we all sit and chat for a while and eventually grandpa goes back to his friends place that he is staying at and Jace and I fall asleep on the VIP couch.

 **1 week later**

I wake from nightmares and start on breakfast around 8:00. I have a meeting today that Jordan texted me about. I told him I planned to bring Jace with me because he has worked with gangs and grandpa suggested having him join. Jordan had no problem with it since grandpa suggested it and apparently he is president of another MC down in NC and I quote 'knows how to pick em'. when everyone except a lazy Jace gets here we all eat together and I let them know I have a meeting at lunch so they know to go out to eat or all cook together. "which gang is it anyway?" Magnus asks. I freeze. I cough trying to cover it up. "what?" I ask innocently "you heard me, biscuit," he says with the voice of a stern parent "umm. they call themselves the BTK" i tell him "what does that stand for?" Simon asks "born to kill" me and Magnus both say at the same time. "a couple friends of mine used to do clean up jobs for them" Magnus adds "I didn't ever think my little biscuit would grow up to be so vicious. I think I actually find it attractive. in a strict mother to daughter since" he says. I grin at him and laugh. Jace finally comes down and I tell him to eat quick so he can be ready to go to this meeting with me. I pulled on a black tank top and my leather jacket with my skinny jeans and converse. I put on some eyeliner and mascara to make the bags under my eyes look less like sleep deprivation and my loss of appetite. I have slept about 5 full hours this whole week because I constantly wake up from nightmares or from me being used to waking up early. I don't know where the loss of appetite came from but it seems like most food just disgusts me for no reason. the only thing I can think about is brownie batter and everything else is just garbage. I walk downstairs after I push the thought of uncooked chocolate out of my mind only to go back up and puke at the smell of bacon. _what the hell?_ _did I catch the fucking flu?_ I sit on my bed for a minute then make myself walk downstairs and take some cold medication to get ahead of it so I can last through this meeting. Jace comes down after a few minutes and we head out to our bikes. I hop on mine and he straddles his. I lead him to the community home and we both park next to the rest of the bikes. the house was very far off the road as expected and it's huge. I look at the massive house and Jace looks confused. "whats wrong?" I ask "what is the name of the gang?" he asks "BTK," I tell him "well this is going to be interesting," he said. that made me nervous. I knock on the door and when its opened I am met with multiple guns in my face. I don't flinch because my hand was already on my own when I saw the end of a barrel. they all relax when they see it's me and look sheepish. "sorry boss. no one ever knocks. it's for the whole gang so we all have a key and we don't bother with knocking" Jordan says. "no problem" I tell them. "this is-" I am cut off "Jonathan?" they all ask "hey boys" he says. "you said you were bringing a Jace" Jordan says as he gives Jace a bro hug "that's what I call him" I tell them. "well at least we know we don't have to put him through all of the prospect shit" says bat "I will never do that shit again" says Jace. "you didn't tell me you knew them. I told you the name" I say slapping his arm "yeah while I was still half asleep this morning" he says "I told you when we pulled up" I say blandly "I don't have an excuse for that" he says. I smack his arm again and shake my head and walk inside with the others behind me making whip noises. I flinch a little when someone gets a little to close to the actual sound but I ignore it and let the guys lead me into what looks like a dining room. "couldn't we have done this later so I could eat lunch" Pete complains "I am starving" he adds. "because we have important business to discuss" bat says. they all sit with me at the head of the table, Jace standing at the other end of the table and Jordan behind me. "so tell me whats happening" I tell them "well my boy just turned eighteen and wants to join" says uncle Malachi "I don't mind but I don't know what the process of joining is" I tell them "start as a prospect. move up to half patch then up to full patch" bat says. "so how do we decide who is allowed to become a prospect?" I ask "vote," Jordan says. "majority or unanimous?" I ask. "I assume everyone knows him?" I ask. they all nod. "ok, all those in favor," I say as I raise my hand. the whole room raises there hand. "anyone against it?" I ask. no one moves. "alright, he's in. what else?" I ask "we need to discuss the gun shipment. how many men. we need to send someone to check out the roads and area to see if its safe to go without a protection run. pick rest stops" he says. "who usually checks the roads and areas?" I ask "we usually end up drawing straws because bat always suggests it and we can't find anything else to do except fight," says Pete. "well then we will draw straws and ill go with whoever gets picked so I know what to look for," I tell them. they all looked kind of shocked except Jace who is grinning in the back "Prez never scopes the road or area" Jordan whispers in my ear. "have you ever had a girl Prez?" I ask him. he shakes his head no "well there's a first time for everything" I tell him. "so why don't one you guys bring me some damn straws and a pair of scissors so I know which one of you I have to go with" I tell them with a grin "I got you" bat says. he comes back with the straws and scissors. I cut them up over the table in different lengths and make sure there is enough for everyone. I walk around the room and let everyone pick a straw. I sit back down and look around. I catch a glimpse of the short straw. "oh this is going to be fun" Jace says with a grin. they all let out a bunch of sarcastic woops and kissing faces " I swear it's like a bunch of children" I tell Jordan who is the only one acting like an adult. I grin at them. " I bet he's got more than one short straw," says bat "ill take that bet," I tell him. I see Jace in the back just grinning. "my dick and my bike are both bigger than yours" Jace says. "you two really are meant for each other" says Jordan. everyone laughs at that. we get back to business after the laughter dies down. "so how many men should we send down there for the shipment?" I ask "we usually go for three when it's not a protection run but if the roads and area are bad then it's your decision," says Meliorn. "ok. what else is there to discuss?" I ask "a location for the anniversary," says bat. "can we talk about that tomorrow. I'm starving" says Pete "I will cook lunch for all of you is you will stop complaining about the rest of the meeting," I say with a laugh. "its a deal. continue" he says. "ok, would the warehouse work?" I ask. "its to well known if they figure out that Hodge spilled then they will look there next," says my uncle Enoch. "are there any other locations?" I ask "the lightwoods old house is still open for other MC's to crash mostly but its big enough," says bat. Jace and I share a look across the room at the mention of our friend's last name. "is it safe?" I ask "yeah. since they died we only let a couple people crash there and they are all still loyal" says uncle Malachi. "so let's have it there" I say "it needs a little cleaning up first but that sounds fine" Jordan says "ill go up there and clean it this week" I tell them. "anything else?" I ask. "we are having another meeting tomorrow when a couple guys from other MC's will be down here so we can talk about the attack," Jordan says "is that all?" I ask. they all shake there heads. "alright then I will go to the store and get the stuff to make hamburgers for everyone" I tell them "don't worry about it, the old ladies are coming down to clean the house for the MC's. I can get Maia to pick up the stuff" Jordan says "she has to stock up the fridge here for the guys anyway" he adds. "you guys make your wives and girlfriends clean up the community house" I say feeling shocked. they all look fearful "yes" bat says "wrong answer man" Jace says "not today the ladies are going to hang out and have a beer while I cook and you lot clean" I say. they all start moving without a word and don't seem to mind until "OH THIS IS BULL!-" I flinch slightly at his tone. "Hey!" Meliorn is cut off by Jordan "that's the Prez your talking to, watch your tone" he says. I feel Jace rub his hands up and down my arms. I hadn't even noticed he was there before. the yelling almost put me in a compromising position. I hate that little things, like yelling and screaming, can make me flinch or throw me into a panic.I am lucky I only flinched considering I am the president of this big lot of strong men and looking like a weak scared little girl can get me kicked to the curb real quick. I must look angry instead of scared because Meliorn looks as though he thinks he is naked in front of all of us. "get to cleaning boys" I say with a smirk. "yes ma'am" says Meliorn. he walks out and sounds as though he is getting a vacuum. the other men all laugh their asses off while I grin. when they recover from there fits of laughter they all leave the room to go clean except Jace. "you alright. you looked scared for a second" he says. "yeah. just old habits" I tell him "now get to cleaning" I tell him. eventually, the old ladies get here and look completely shell-shocked. they can't see me because Jordan is in front of me and also I am short. "when did you guys start cleaning" asks a tall girl with red hair. "since we got a girl prez" says Meliorn who is obviously in a relationship with the girl. I can tell by the kiss they share and the ass smack that comes from Meliorn. "I'm definitely ready to meet this woman," says a shorter dark-skinned girl with curly black hair. "well I'm clary and I am hoping you are Maia with the food," I say as I step from behind Jordan. " I am. now can you please tell me how you got Jordan to touch a vacuum," she says "just perks of being prez," I tell her. I take some of the bags from her hands and take them to the kitchen. "all you ladies can crack open a cold one while the boys clean and I fix lunch" I tell them as they follow me to the kitchen with the groceries and the cleaning supplies that they soon abandon in the supply closet. "like I'm going to let you cook alone after you got my man to clean for once" she says "but ill still have a beer" she says as she pulls a can from the multiple cases. "I will take one of those," I say as I pluck one from the case. I crack it open and grab the bag of charcoal and lighter fluid. I put the stuff in the grill on the back deck and pull a lighter out of my back pocket. I light the coals and leave the grill to heat up. I go inside and start preheating the grease fryer for the fries. "what can I do?" Maia asks "sit and help me make patties," I tell her. the other girls help to and we all introduce ourselves properly. the red heads name turned out to be Seelie and there was also Kaelie, who is just good friends with the girls, Camille, who used to date Raf but is now with Pete, Jia, who is with Patrick whos name I overheard spoken to him, and aline who is Jia and Patricks daughter. they told me that my aunt Catarina and her and Malachi's son Eric **(AN: yeah I know. odd combo. I needed some people and I don't like adding in people who don't exist in the books so I threw them together. you'll understand why I needed the two later)** will be here soon. we gossip a little about the girls that they all call crow eaters **(AN: yes I'm also using SOA terminology. I know but I needed a word and it always makes me laugh when they say that in the show so I used it and I didn't know what else to call them)** apparently those girls have broken up a couple marriages and relationships. I also learned when she left the room for the toilets that Kaelie was a part of that category. apparently, none of the old ladies like her but she always finds out when the family is meeting and comes to the events anyway. damn these girls can gossip. we finish the patties so I put them on the grill and put the fries in the fryer. I make Jace check the burgers after I burn my hand and curse the grill. "this is a mans job anyway" he says with a laugh. I smack his shoulder. "damn girl. I dread the day you find a reason to actually intend to hurt me" he says I laugh and go back inside. Kaelie is sitting in the kitchen as I take one batch of fries from the fryer and put another in. "so Jace is pretty hot right" she says "yeah I hope so considering he's my boyfriend" I joke "wait, you're with Jace" she says "yeah" i tell her as I salt the fries "oh girl you don't want that as a boyfriend just a good lay" she says "well I don't have to want it considering I've had him for a little over three months now" I tell her "and he hasn't ever given me a reason to doubt that he intends to stay with me for a good long while" I tell her "well when I knew him that wasn't his style at all and it won't surprise me when he breaks it off with you soon" she says with a shit-eating grin "honey I've had a lot of people walk out on me. I know the signs. if I ever saw any in Jace I wouldn't have gotten together with him. I don't care how you knew him then because I know him now" i tell her "well i just wanted to try and warn you so he doesn't do the same thing to you that he did to me" she says "Kaelie having a one night stand and not staying for breakfast doesn't mean that we were together and I left you" Jace says from his position against the door frame. "why are you here anyway. shouldn't you be with the other crow eaters instead of the immediate family" he adds "you don't classify me as family Jacey" she says as she sashays over to him and puts her arms around his neck "not in the slightest" Jace says "until one of the boys knock you up how about you go back to the whore house you came from" I told her. she lets out a shocked shriek and walks over to me and slams her hands on the counter "why don't you go join your brother and father in hell" she shrieks "how about I put a cap in your ass and you go instead" I say with a deadly calm voice. a look of pure terror covers her face and she grabs her purse and runs out of the house like a retarded deer in her ugly hot pink cheetah print pumps. "I officially love you," says Maia from the doorway. I see some other heads peek around the corner of the doorway. "guys, I don't care if you listen to me arguing with a slut" I tell the old ladies. I'm shocked when the whole gang comes around the corner. "I thought it was just girls that like to eavesdrop on other girls arguing," I say with a laugh "first time for everything," Jordan says throwing my own words back at me. "Jace, are the burgers ready yet?" I ask as I laugh at the gang "they will be in about two minutes" he says as I pull out the second batch of fries and put in the last one. god, it's like feeding an army. the girls set out the huge basket of fries and the fillers and condiments for the burgers while I put the plastic silver where into separate cups and set them out along with the paper plates, plastic cups, and napkins. my aunt Catarina and Eric finally get here as Jace brings the burgers to the buffet of food. I get out the buns and put them on a tray and then tell the guys that its time to eat. "oh and you guys have to clean up the kitchen after lunch" I tell them. some of them groan but the ones with wives specifically, all say, as per usual while the other ones with girlfriends just nod except Meliorn who replies with another petrified "yes ma'am" we all laugh and then go eat. we have a few more beers and then Jace and I head out to our bikes so we can go home. I look for my bike in the crowd of other bikes and when I see it I instantly am ready to murder someone "who the hell keyed my fucking bike" I scream. it must have been loud because Jordan was outside with his gun in hand and couple other followed while other the other men aim their guns from the window and I catch a glimpse of the ladies peeking from upstairs. "whats wrong?" Jordan asks "nothing to wave a gun over" I tell him "yet" I add as I think about slitting the throat of the suicidal bitch that touched my baby. "who the hell cut up my bike" I shout "that would have been Kaelie" shouts aline from the upstairs window. "that doesn't surprise me in the slightest" says Jordan. they all lower there weapons and put them back in there waistbands and holsters. " I swear I'll kill that bitch," I say as I look closer at the damage to see what I have to do to make my baby better. "dammit, now I have to get a new paint job," I say. go back inside and have a good night guys, Jace go-ahead home. I'm going to see if a friend of mine wants to give me a free paint job" I tell them " I can ride with you," he says "trust me when I say you don't want to go. plus he doesn't like people he doesn't know. it will go smoother if I go alone" I tell him. "ok call me on the way home" he says. I nod and straddle my bike. I rev the engine and speed off to my oh so special friends house. _note the sarcasm._


	16. oh shit

I pulled up to my friend's house and immediately knew he was home by the fact his door was wide open and his garage sounded like a factory with the sounds of machines going and metal clanging together. I walked up to the garage and I realized he was working on bike pieces. "Mark" I yell. he turns to see who it is and immediately turns off the airbrush machine. "hey Rissa" he says "clary now. but I have a job for you" I say getting straight to the point. "always so eager" he says "a bitch I told off this morning keyed my bike. I was wondering if you could fix it for me?" I ask him "let me take a look," he says. I walk him over and point to the damage "damn she had the nerve to get the logo" he says. "you always having people messing with your bike. don't you know not to bring it around people you piss off" he says with a laugh "do you think you can fix it?" I ask. I feel like a mother asking if the bump on her baby's head is serious. "yeah. ill get a new logo for free but I can only give you fifty percent off the paint job. I've got to buy something and soon" he says "and what would that be?" I ask as he rolls my bike up into the garage "a ring," he says "oh my god. whos the lucky lady or gentleman?" I asked "her name is Cristina," he says. "oh well I'm happy you found someone, " I tell him as he puts the paint in the airbrush machine "what about you. anybody put a ring on that finger yet?" he asks "nope" I say. "please tell me there is at least a boyfriend" he says. "there is a boyfriend" I say with a laugh "any sign of rings in the near future?" he asks with a suggestive smirk. "not yet" i say with another laugh. "well that's no fun" he says. he starts the machine and I watch as he puts a fresh coat of paint over the old. he makes sure you can't see where the scratch used to be and he goes inside to print the Harley Davidson logo. he places it over where the old one used to be and I love it. my bike looks brand new just like it did when he fixed it the first time. my baby has gone through hell and back with me and I won't let it have the scars that I do. I will cover them up like it did mine. speaking of I need to go back to Julian today so he can do more of the tattoo. I thank Mark and tell him that I will be able to pay him in a max of two weeks. I drive to the tattoo parlor and Julian knows exactly what we will be doing today. he guides me to the back and starts setting up the tattoo gun. he starts on the tattoo and I feel the needles hit. "so how is everything going?" he asks "well my brother and father passed on and I inherited a gang" I tell him "oh I can't wait for this story" he says. I tell him everything excluding the parts about me and Jace killing them. I tell him about the guys and how Jace joined. I tell him about this afternoon and how I caught up with mark. he tells me a few things about his life recently. when we finish up I pay him and walk out to my bike. I drive back to the bar and plop on the couch for a few minutes before starting on supper for everyone. I watched tv and had a drink. I mixed the ingredients for a casserole and put two in the oven. I set a timer on my phone and then went back to watching tv. I took another shot before anybody got home. the first to show was Jace who came from his nap upstairs. we cuddled up in front of the tv without a word until Magnus and Alec got here. the casserole finished and I set it out along with plates and forks for everyone to fix them some. I went back out to the couch without fixing any for myself and told everyone that dinner was ready. Izzy and Simon showed at that time and they all went to fix their food. "you going to eat?" Jace asked as he sat beside me with his plate "I'm not hungry" I told him. "ok" he said. when dinner was done everyone decided to go to bed or home. Jace and I went upstairs and went to bed. I slept in his t-shirt and a pair of underwear while he slept in boxers. he didn't look tired and I wasn't either. we layed there in each other's arms for a while. the scent of him filled my nose and I felt him pressed against me. he was hard and I was bored. I turned toward him and looked up at him from behind my lashes. he kissed me then. it was meant to be a peck on the lips but we both grew hungry for each other. I kiss him hard and he kisses me back harder. he runs his hands under my shirt and rolls so he is on top of me. I push away his boxers and he does the same with the pair of black lace panties. his hands grip my thighs and lift them towards me "are you sure?" he asks. I nod and kiss him hard. he thrusts into me and all I can think is that I needed this. he thrusts into me and kisses my neck getting faster as he goes. I moan and gasp as he gets harder and faster. I feel him come and im not far behind him. he rolls over and I snuggle closer to him. his arms wrap around me and I feel his breathing steady out and I start thinking about everything. I come to a stop as something crosses my mind and all I can think is _'oh shit'_


	17. church bells

_shit shit shit shit._ is all I can think about this morning. I made an appointment with the doctor. _this can't be happening._ "im finally getting my life together" I say to myself in the mirror. "now this shit. how is this gonna look too the gang? how is Jace going to feel?" I ask myself. I force myself to go to the doctor and dread my answer the whole time. I piss in the cup and he brings out the test. he dips it in after explaining how we will know the answer. I watch as the stick turns pink "shit" I shriek. "do you have a plan?" the doctor asks. "I think so. I don't agree with abortion and I wouldn't be able to live knowing my kid could be getting hurt in a foster home or be bouncing around in the system" I tell him "so you plan to keep it?" he asks "yes. when do I need to come back for a checkup?" I ask "in about 2 weeks" he answers "I schedule my appointment and then head back home while debating on how to tell Jace and the gang. I knew I had to tell Jace first but I was dreading it a lot. I decide now or never and call him " hey what's up?" he answers "um can you come to the club? I have to talk to you about something" I tell him "you aren't breaking up with me are you" he asks with dread filling his tone. "no. god no. but I need to talk to you so can you come down here?" I ask "yea im on my way," he says. when he arrives I sit him on the bed. "Jace, I don't want you to say anything until I am done so can you please promise me that?" I ask "yes, I promise," he says. "ok. im pregnant. I know it's yours and I am not giving it up in anyway even if you don't want to keep it" I tell him. his eyes had grown wider as I spoke and I thought I knew what was coming next "im finished" I add "clary. I would never ask you to give up our baby. and I won't leave you no matter what" he says. "definitely not the response I was expecting" I said. "baby I couldn't leave either of you" he says. "I love you too much" he adds "I love you too" I sob as I sling my arms around his neck. "there is one thing I have to say to you and I don't want you to think im saying this because you're pregnant" he says. "what is it?" i ask. he kneels down beside the bed and in front of me and pulls out a small black velvet box. "will you marry me?" he asks "tears stream down my cheeks " oh my god yes Jace yes"I sob. he opens the box and slips the ring on my finger. I sling my arms around his neck and wrap my legs around his waist a kiss him long and hard. " I love you," he says "I love you too," I say with a smothered voice due to the fact that my face is buried in his shoulder. he chuckles at this and flops down onto the bed carefully so he doesn't squish me. we lay next to each other and I grin to myself "let's hold off on telling the gang anything. we can tell our friends but I don't feel like hearing the gang make kissy noises and sing Jace and clary sitting in a tree" I said. he laughs "I think our friends are going to do the same thing," he says. "just Izzy and Magnus and at least they don't look like they kill people for a living and act like children in private. they just act like children period" I tell him. he laughs again. "when should we tell them?" he asks "dinner tonight. the gang can wait until someone notices the ring or me getting fat" I said. "which could be soon considering how big this thing is. how did you pay for this?" I ask "that money I stole from Wayland" he answered "aww you spent your stolen money on me" I teased "anytime," he said. I laughed. "I've got to start on dinner and call everyone so they no to get their asses down here," I said and crawled out of the bed. I felt Jace smack my ass and grinned at him. I walked downstairs and started making baked potatoes and yelled for someone to light the grill for the steaks after I put them in the marinade. I sliced the vegetables for a salad and tossed them together. I called everybody while I pulled out the dressing and put the steaks on the grill. while they cooked I pulled the potatoes from the oven then put that and the salad in serving bowls and trays. I flipped the steaks and that's when the guys started to show up. while they plopped down on the couches and chairs I put the steaks on a serving tray and put everything out on the coffee table then flipped off the tv. jace got up and stood by my side "what the hell I need to know who is getting voted off of the bachelor" Simon wined "we have a couple things to tell you guys" I said, "oh what is it?" Magnus asked with a smirk. "Clary and I are getting married," Jace said and I flipped my hand up with the ring on display. "holy shit my baby is getting married" Izzy and Magnus both squealed. alec, Simon, and Rafael all hooted like idiots. " I knew I heard church bells ringing" Magnus said. "oh and im pregnant" I said as if it was an afterthought. Izzy squealed while alec Magnus Simon and Rafael all gave Jace a death glare. "should we kill him, guys?" Rafael asked "nope to excited" Magnus said and then jumped up and down like a thirteen-year-old girl, " I think we should," Alec said. jace looked scared now "not until you all eat dinner. and you better eat everything I put on your plate," I said sounding like a mother. alec, Magnus, and Simon did so without complaint while Izzy said she didn't like potatoes and Rafael complained about not liking vegetables. Jace sat back and laughed at there child like mannerisms while I kept telling them to eat. we all watched the bachelor when we finished and then I went and cleaned up the food and kitchen. we all stayed at the bar that night and I could here alec and Magnus fucking through the walls but I didn't care. I was marrying the man of my dreams.I was having a child and my problems were gone. everything was perfect. little did I know the next morning would prove me wrong.


	18. death

**Clary***

I jumped out of Jace's arms and the bed. I ran to the bathroom and spilled my guts into the toilet. the smell of puke and public restroom filled my nose and made me vomit more. I felt my hair being pulled back and my back being rubbed by more than one person. when I finished vomiting I found Izzy, Magnus and Jace knelt down beside me on the tile floor while Rafael, Alec, and Simon stood in the doorway. "anybody have a mint or a stick of gum?" I asked. I heard a snort and then Izzy was rolling in a fit of laughter. I started laughing with her. I felt a small object hit me in the shoulder and found a stick of gum at my side. it only made my laughing fit worse and Izzy's turned to snorts and hyperventilating. the guys looked at us like we were insane. "what is so funny?" Rafael asked "im laughing because I read this joke and it goes like 'what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist?' and the answer is 'you can negotiate with a terrorist' and all I can think if you can't negotiate with clary on a daily basis so imagine how bad its gonna be when her hormones start acting up" Izzy explains "I don't know why im laughing so I guess its already started" I tell them through my fits of laughter. Izzy laughs harder at this and we both fall to the floor. when we finally get ourselves together I can see fright and confusion on the others faces. "well im starving" Magnus says "ill start breakfast" I said. "no" they all shouted "we will all make breakfast and you will sit on your ass and watch shitty tv until its done" Magnus said "there is no getting out of it is there?" I asked "Nope," Izzy said popping the 'p' "fine but don't let Izzy near the food" I grumbled. jace laughs and plucks me from the floor then carries me bridal style to the couch. he put supernatural on the tv and then I remembered that the pickup was today. "Jace don't forget that we have to go pick up that stuff today" I hollered "I know" he shouted back.

 **that night**

when we reached the house of the gang after unloading the guns into a warehouse I started cooking a dinner/breakfast which basically turned into steak with eggs and toasted biscuits **(an: actually a good meal)** we all ate at the table and when an awkward silence fell among us me and Jace shared a devious glance "so who wants to take bets on what gender the baby is going to be?" I asked "who's baby?" bat questioned. "Jace and I's, " I said like it was the dumbest question in the world. they all froze and some of them even dropped there silverware. " I got 50 on a girl" Jordan shouted. they all debated on what the baby was going to be while Jace and I laughed at there antics. we only had to get through the anniversary and then we would be ready to go through with everything. a calm with no storm to follow. I hope

 **anniversary party**

the party was going great. I had cooked along with the other girls while some of the oldest and youngest of the gang drank, smoked and chatted. the others were waiting on the attack, Jace and Rafael with them. I was nervous. my boys were all out waiting on someone to attack them while im stuck here making burgers and hot dogs. the attack was scheduled to go down in 3 minutes. I've been watching the clock like a hawk. all the girls are worried and bitching about how the crow eaters are going to act like its there loved ones out there risking there lives. we have to invite everyone affiliated with the gang so the crow eaters were invited along with informants and just friends who know about the gang so Izzy, Alec, Magnus, and Simon are here. they have been getting along well with everyone and they have caught onto why the croweaters are a group of bitches. _2 minutes._ my hands are shaking. my fiance/ baby daddy is about to be in a room full of flying bullets along with my surrogate brother. "are you okay biscuit" Magnus asked "yeah my baby daddy will be in a room full flying bullets and swinging knives and fists next to my non biological brother why wouldn't I be okay" I said sarcastically but not angrily. "don't worry buiscut im sure that they will all be fine" _1 minute_ "your right the boys are trained and know what to do"I say taking a deep breath "the boys will be just fine" I said when I heard the first shot is when I realized they aren't the only ones I need to be worried about. "get down!!" I shout. everyone hits the floor. bullets hit the walls and tables. "girls get behind the bar boys take cover and shoot at anything moving!!" I bark as a bullet whizzes by alec's head. they follow orders "Simon, mags, Alec. follow the girls" I shout and they do so. I dodge a literal bullet and that's when all hell breaks loose. men from the other gang barge in through the back and kill at least two of ours on sight. they shout at everyone to keep quiet. they know that most of us are out of ammo but I have to fully loaded pistols in my waistband and a mini handgun in my boot. they snatch up the girls and tell them to go upstairs they start to send me with them until they see the little prez patch on my jacket. "where is valentine?" the guy who is obviously in charge shouts at me. "dead" I spat. "so you must be his daughter" he says "what an unfortunate role" he says I see him reach for his gun but im faster I fire at his head but a bullet still drills through my chest. _shit._ that's when the boys get back probably assuming the attack never came. my vision blurs as I hear bullets fly and punches being thrown I see Jace catch a graze as he runs to my side. he shoots in every direction hitting most of his targets. he helps me to my feet and half carries me to the stairs. "Maia is a doctor" I tell him. "it hit the wrong side help the guys ill make it the rest of the way" I say knowing damn well I can only make it around the corner of the stairs and hope I can call for help. "are you sure" "I got it. go help them" I tell him as I put another pistol in his hand. I run as fast as I can up the stairs seeing bullets hit the wall in front of me. my arm is grazed before I make it to the corner I dive around it and look out to the ground floor. its a blood bath men from both sides are bleeding on the floor most are dead but some of them are shooting with bullet wounds keeping them on the floor. "Maia!" I shout her head peeps out. "do you have a stitch kit" I ask "yeah im coming" she answered "get a gun" I shout she nods and returns with stitches and two pistols and extra magazines "Selie come help" she shouts. I fire at the other gang members around the corner taking two down and pissing one off. Maia tells me to be still and bite down on a belt she sticks in my mouth. I do but groans escape me as she pulls the bullet from my chest with her bare hands. Celie pours alcohol on the wound and I kick the floor in pain. I fire the gun more as she sews my skin together. I take down two more men and then I see something that makes the wind escape my lungs. rafael is lying motionless on the floor as blood flows from his abdomen. pure rage and heartbreak roll through me like flames. I rip myself away from Maia and my stitches rip apart but I don't care I stand and shoot at everyone on the other side in sight. I take down four men and then pull another gun from a dead man's cold hands and start shooting again. I take down eight more and then all shots ringing through the air are gone and whoever wasn't killed on the other side had run in fear. I drop to my knees by Rafael's body. I gingerly take his pulse to feel the faintest and slowest beat ever and then nothing. tears fall from my eyes in rivers and I feel a piece of me shatter away along with his breathing. I hear others searching for there sons daughters and wives. my heart continues the break at every announcement of death on our side. I feel Jace holding me but everything sounds like im underwater and I can't feel anything. I see Jace worrying over the torn stitches in my chest and side of my shoulder. and I feel Maia stitching them shut but I don't feel pain just the fact that she is there. eventually, I manage to shake myself from my despair long enough to call a cleanup crew and give orders to some men to call family friends and others to inform them of there loved one's deaths. I tell Maia to stitch up the guys and get any of the other girls that know how to help her. I take Jace to a barstool and start stitching his arm and then move onto his shoulder then the side he was just grazed except on his shoulder but that shot went all the way through so it wasn't so complicated. he looks just as heartbroken as everyone else but his eyes never leave me. he stares at me as if he is trying to make sure I don't shatter before his eyes. I tell everyone to fallow me to Raf's bar after the cleanup guys show up. I feed them all anything that I can scrap up. we write down the names of the deceased and I send them all to bed after showing them all to a room to stay in. I take the list to Jordan who stayed behind to tell the guys what to do with our guys and what to do with the others. "Jordan go to the bar. jace is still up he can show you where we put maia and you can get some rest" i tell him "clary you need to get some rest. the guy who took care of you for as long as he could died today along with others who youve known for longer than even i have and not to mention that the baby in your stomach needs rest too and i know damn well jace isnt going to go to sleep until he knows you are ok" he says. "guys do you know what to do with each person" i shout to the cleanup crew. they all nod "then we are both going home stop by the bar tomarrow morning and ill pay you guys and fix breakfast" i tell them. a round of 'ok's and 'alright's go around and i drag jordan back home. after i take him to a bed i go downstairs to jace and eventually fall asleep in his arms with tears streaming down my cheeks.


	19. end of our sorrows

**3 months later**

 **clary***

after we lost Raf we discovered he left the bar to me and Jordan was now technically my legal guardian so he was the one who took care of it for now under the eyes of the court but we both knew that this was mine and I was going to run the place the way Raf would have wanted. the baby was okay surprisingly the next morning Jace took me to the doctor to make sure. not the usual doctor but one that wouldn't ask questions. I've grown a bump and my back is killing me so the boys have put me on the bench, for now, I still do all of the scheduling and put their asses in line when they need it. the wives who lost their husbands in the attack have gotten more involved. the boys didn't know how to react when Maia and Izzy wanted to join the gang. Jordan was definitely not into it but he knew that Maia wasn't one to take orders from a man. I assured Simon and Jordan that the girls would be working with me for now and I made no promises for when I got on my feet. simon knows Izzy won't get hurt in the field because the girl is basically Deadshot and he knows I won't let her get hurt. but on happier terms, the baby is a girl and Jace and I are getting married 3 months after the due date and surprisingly I've been happier than ever.

 **3 months later**

 **Jace***

"aaaaahhhhhh" clary screams. "can I have a beer yet" she groans "one more push and then you have to wait because the drugs mixed with booze are dangerous," says Maia "how can it be dangerous if the drugs aren't working" she shouts "I knew you were going to be a pain" Maia joked "aaaahhhh" clary screamed again. a cry breaks through the air and its the best thing I've heard in my life. I see tears streak down Clary's cheeks. I watch as Maia cleans the little girl's face and body. she hands the child to clary and cracks a grin. I feel tears fall from my eyes and I couldn't care less. the child latches her hand around my thumb and a grin spreads across mine and Clary's face. "what's her name?" Maia asks. "Sabrina Fray Harondale" clary and I say quietly. "you so should have named her after her oh so proud uncle Magnus. you poor thing being spawned by Satan and an imbecile must be torture" Magnus says to the baby, her green eyes shining brightly through half-closed eyes and hair as blonde as my own. "I got you a gift precious," Magnus says. the man holds out a hand full of glitter and the poor child spits up at the sight of it. everyone in the room doubles over in laughter while clary grins and starts cleaning up the baby's little mess. magnus huffs in defeat and plops into a chair. it's a happy and laughable moment that I could never forget.

 **3 months later**

 **Clary***

"the next time you poke me I swear I will shove one of these in your eye," I say angrily to Izzy as she shoves bobby pins into my hair and scalp. "it's your wedding day its suppose to be torture until the I Do's," she says "now hold still while I put in these last 2" she adds. she finishes and Magnus makes me stand as he adds more spray on glitter to my dress. I watch as Izzy plays with little Brina who is dressed in a tiny onesie with a silver too-too wrapped around it. "all done let's get on with it so we can drink the beautiful night away" Magnus says as if he was telling us a fairytale. "yes please!" Izzy agrees.

-(-)-(-)-(-)-

"I do," Jace said with the widest grin I've ever seen his lips lock onto mine before the pastor can get a word out and a round of applause spreads through the air. "I love you," I tell him "I love you more," Jace says. "impossible," I tell him "this is getting too mushy" shouts bat "then get out," I say with a laugh "get a room" he retorts. I laugh and watch as my family and friends and my baby girl looks at me and Jace with smiles and looks of awe. looks like this is the end of our sorrows


	20. dododo

**only the plot and the baby are mine hope you guys enjoyed it. give me an idea of what you want next in the review. thanks mundies and goodnight**


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